Revenge of the simpletons

If I could write a horror film, it would be entitled Revenge of The Simpletons. I find simple people rather frightening, and a bit confusing. Simple people are contempt with being complacent. They do not think outside of the box and rarely have extraordinary minds. I hate being surrounded by people like this; they make me feel so depressed. They annoy me because they think their point of views are so normal but what they dont seem to understand is what is normal? If I woke up tomorrow in a house in suburbia with a husband, a kid and a baby on the way I would be sad. I wasn’t meant to be “normal”. I was meant to do crazy, cool shit with my life, and I will accomplish anything I said out to do. Simpletons see me as the enemy, or odd, or weird, or wrong and I just see them as pests. Like the mosquito I just want to swat! bradybunch

The 80’S Cult Classic..That Made Killing Cool

The classic teen comedy, Mean Girls was released into theaters a decade ago, it coined the phrase “so fetch”, and is probably Lindsay Lohan’s most famous role. Long before Regina George was terrorizing her high school peers, there was a different Queen B, she went by the name Heather Chandler, and unlike Regina who gets redeemed at the end of the film, Chandler is murdered by her “best friend”, played by a young Winona Ryder. Heather Chandler is the ultimate villain, she is the bitch from middle school everyone wanted to punch in the face, and the bully from the playground in elementary that pushed you down the slide. There is nothing redeemable about her character, and this is why when she is murdered, it is difficult to feel any sort of remorse for her. 

Heathers is a dark comedy about a girl that desperately wants to get out of the “it” crowd, because she sees how superficial, mean and nasty they are. They believe they are superior to the entire school, and spend their days tormenting innocent classmates. She gets into a romantic relationship with the “new kid” in school, and together they begin murdering a few of their classmates, and staging them as suicides. At the end of the movie he attempts to kill the entire school, because he believes that the only place all social cliques can get along is in heaven. This is where the film gets deep…even though CJ is indeed insane, and killing the whole school in an attempt to prove a point is uncalled for; he is right, in a way high school does show how people of different beliefs, backgrounds, and social status’s will never genuinely get along. This goes for adulthood, humans form bonds with others that are like themselves, and a significant amount form judgments on others based on their appearance. 

The characters that fall victim to CJ’s schemes are the assholes that he believes had nothing to offer the school, but vulgar jokes and constant stupidity. I do admit I have to fast forward through the jocks getting shot, because it was a bit too gruesome for my taste, but the funeral scene was classic. I love Heathers dark humor, and deep points in regards to human behavior. I wish modern day teen comedies were this cool.

A Girls Guide To Guys On Getting Laid

I think MOST  straight men would agree that sometimes they have difficulties with the opposite sex, that is getting the opposite sex to have sex with them. Wow so many sexes in one terrible sentence. Below are some tips on how to get “laid”.

1. I do not care about what Hollywood tries to shove down our throats, there is a league zone and people typically date & fuck those that are within their attractiveness range. You will rarely see a 5 with a 10, it just doesnt work that way, we are genetically designed to mate with the best looking person we can find. With that being said, I am sure you know where you stand as far as attractiveness goes, go for a girl you think is within the same level as yourself. 

2. Read her body language. If you are on a date with a girl and shes playing with her hair or sitting with her legs uncrossed, chances are she has thought about having sex with you. 

3. Its all in the text messages, if she frequently texts with one word responses like LOL, haha, omg, whatever, you get the idea chances are she has zero interest in sleeping with you.

4. She talks about sex with you, opening up about sex is a touchy subject for most females, we usually do not discuss sex with guys unless we have thought about doing it with them.

5. Place your hand on her shoulder or casually touch her while having a conversation and see how she reacts to you. Obviously don’t go touching her boobs or ass, the shoulder is your best bet. If she does not look at you with a “what the hell are you doing” look its safe to say she is comfortable with you.

6. She mentions other guys around you, this is the easiest way to tell a guy you have zero interest in him or simply do not find him attractive without hurting his feelings. I usually pick a guy that looks the complete opposite of who I am talking with.

7. This is obvious, she sends flirty text messages to you.

8. If you have been hanging out with a girl for a while, everything is going well she is laughing, your having a good time it is safe to say you can kiss her. Personally, I experienced guys lean in and completely chicken out haha suckerrssss! I know that initial kiss is super awkward, and kind of nerve racking but if you feel it in your gut go for it, chances are she wants you to. 

9. Learn how to dress, look like you give a shit. Its sexy we like it when a guy matches his belt with his shoes and shirt it shows he cares. Throw away those jeans that you have been wearing for the past five years that are now torn, have holes in them and are faded because your not getting laid in them trust me.

10. Take care of your body, we really dont care about how big your biceps are or how ripped those abs are, what we do care about is that you put some effort into maintaining a healthy weight. Plus guys that work out are usually better in bed and have more energy,

11. You see a cute girl in a bar, how do you strike up a conversation with her? Well here is the deal if she is with a group of girls that is always a tough challenge because girls are like tigers, we are ready to tear apart any guy with think isnt good enough for our girls. The best way to approach her is to make eye contact with her if she ignores you dont even bother, if she looks back smiles, go over and say hi, simply ask how is your night going? Is this the first time your here? Than ask to buy her a drink, and just have a conversation. Talk about work, music, events that are happening in your city, news, movies etc!

I am not expert, however I do have a vagina I hope these tips help!!