She Has Everything & You Hate Her For It.

She has everything. She’s pretty, she’s articulate, she drives a fancy convertible, she’s had every career imaginable, and she managed to fuck a dick-less boyfriend for over five decades. She’s fantastic and she is made of plastic.

She’s a wholesome sex icon. She is one gigantic joke.

I do a whole Barbie bit in my stand up act. It begins with “my parents always bought me career Barbies..they never seemed to get me the one I really wanted..serial killer Barbie. She was too expensive the bodies were sold separately..”

(Photo Credit: Mariel Clayton)

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I truly believe that Barbie was created by a devote Christian because she’s had the same boyfriend for 50 years, and her knees don’t bend.

I think Mattel created a society that mocks society and it all began with monogamy.  I don’t believe Barbie’s “unrealistic” figure should be frowned upon. I think the idea that she’s smokin hot, insanely driven, seems to have it all and only had one boyfriend along the ride is the problem. We are a society obsessed with monogamy and I think this an enormous issue. I don’t care about getting married, or being with the same guy for five decades. It just doesn’t seem fun or realistic.

Barbie and her plastic friends are a representation of what Capitalism and religion have imbedded into our minds. Barbie doesn’t have just any car..she has a pink convertible car, so when she is driving everyone will stare, and probably snapchat it at a stop light. She has a huge mansion in Malibu, a gigantic swimming pool, a Kim Kardashian lifestyle and she never had to get fucked on camera to get it.

I will be performing at Club Privacy at 9pm on October 20th & The Clown House on October 22nd at 8pm in Downtown LA!

I had a great performance at the Ice House in Pasadena this past Sunday… I am trying to get the video so I can post! If not, I will try and film Thursday, or Saturday!

 

xoxoxoxoxox- Dont forget to follow me on instagram! @JaclynPassaro

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Stuff that irks me.

-People that go into the 10 items or less aisle with 30 cans.

-People that think babies complete them.

-Bratty kids

-Overly religious people.

-Pretentious squares

-Prudes

-Getting up early.

bored tomorrow? watch me host a mic online 9pm Los Angeles time at http://www.dromebox.com

Next Stand Up Show!

For those of you that do not know, I am doing stand up! I absolutely LOVE it! My next show will be at State House Social on December 29th from 9pm-midnight!

8782 West Sunset Blvd West Hollywood 90069

There will be a combination of music and comedy! There is a parking lot right across the street!

I will also be on the Flappers Comedy Flapcast on December 15th at 5:00pm! It is on iTunes if you want to listen!

Follow me on twitter @Jaclynashley79 and IG @Jaclynashley79jaclynheadshot6

Just a Tad Bit of Smiles

Good Evening All,

I recently finished a Sketch Writing Course at UCB, and learned a shit ton about writing comedy. I learned that I like to complicate stuff, and write multi-dimensial characters which just doesn’t cut it in comedy, because sketches need to be simple, and there should be one primary focus of crazy. Anyways, I am writing my first draft of a skit I am going to be shooting, and editing with one of my friends, who recently booked a Petco commercial, pretty cool huh? It will be posted here as well as LongAwkwardPause, a bomb comedy site you all should check out :).

So far my skit is called The Shrink, and it is about a narcissistic girl that is complaining about how terrible her exes are because of bizarre reasons, and thats all I am telling you, because I want you to watch it….when it is up. It sounds stupid, but it will be okay when it is up…I promise. I was inspired to write it, because I think tons of women complain about men for over the top dumb shit.

Follow me on twitter

Alexa VS MOZ

For those of you that do not know, I work in internet marketing! I am currently only marketing one company, and that includes assisting with their social media. I love social media, and marketing, I hope to own an online public relations company, because it is something I am passionate about, and I am pretty good at forming relationships with people, I dunno, people seem to like me. Anyways, I am loving Alexa, because it is so easy to use, and I can find information in a matter of seconds. When you combine Alexa, and Google analytics together you can really see how well your website is doing, and what sort of content you should be using in order to gain traffic to both your social media sites, and actual website. Content INCLUDES photos! Photos that are properly tagged can help you rank, plus people like photos, too much text is OLD SCHOOL!

MOZ is cool and all, but I like Alexa more, because it is simple, and allows me to see what I want to quickly.

***Also, I am going to be hosting for Trends TV! If you are a local Socal business, and would like to get featured, email me!!! Jaclynashley79@gmail.com

LA Tips!

LA can suck really…you know what REALLY REALLY FUCKING SUCKS????

Parking tickets, and getting your car towed.

If you’re thinking about visiting, or moving here here’s a few pointers.

#1 READ THE FUCKING SIGNS LOL. My friend and I were dumb last night and didn’t read the signs, therefore our cars were towed. I have only received two parking tickets, and thats really good! Some people have received at least 10.

#2. Theres no fucking parking spaces. Theres 20 businesses in one complex, but like 5 spaces.

#3 Some malls require you to pay for parking. Why do I need to pay for something that should always be free??

#4. You will hit traffic at any given time. Always leave early.

#5 Theres tons of crazy people.

#6 You can find a reasonably priced place on hotpads.com

#7 Not all apartments come with microwaves, stoves and fridges 🙂

#8 Theres plenty of free entertainment, you can go to live tapings for free, walk around and look at all the looneys on hollywood blvd for free, go to the beach, farmers markets etc.