Beauty & The Beast is blahed up.

I find the flaws in everything. You show me the perfect house with the cleanest white picket fence, and I will find the one cracked paint chip at the bottom of the fence that leads into the dirt. Mhm. I bleed cynicism.

But anyone with a quarter of a brain could easily pinpoint how flawed this “fairytale” is. On the surface it tries to convey this message of how beauty comes from within, and that is all fine and dandy but it does a really shitty job at doing that. Ugh.

First of all, the spoiled Prince gets a knock on his door in the middle night; he opens it and here is  this haggard looking woman who offers a rose to him in exchange for a place to sleep that night, because it was freezing cold. He tells her no, because he is repulsed by her appearance, and she tells him but beauty comes from within, he still says no, and poof she turns hot, and then he wants to apologize, typical dude, right? Well, she sees he is full of shit, and casts a spell on him which turns him into a beast, and all the castle workers into dishes, and candles.

Um, if some weirdo knocked on my door in the middle of the night, and offered me a rose, I would slam the door in their face. Unless that weirdo was a dog.

Anyways, Bell is this really intelligent female character who also happens to be beautiful, which is really refreshing. She breaks a stereotype, cool. Bell falls in love with the beast who screams at her, throws stuff at her, and basically keeps her hostage. This shows that a woman who seems to have it all on the surface could be a complete screwball underneath.

At the end of the movie, the spell is broken, because she fell in love with him. This is total bs. She changed him, and no girl, or guy should have to change a crazy ass beast into a “good guy”. You shouldn’t accept their inappropriate behavior, or feel obligated to fix them. Thoughts?

I am performing Sunday night at 8pm, at the Endzone 8420 Lankershim Blvd, Sun Valley, CA 91352

http://www.instagram.com/JaclynPassaro

Twitter.com/JaclynPassaro

 

What College Taught Me.

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I graduated from college earning a Bachelor’s of Arts degree in Film/Media Studies. Some people may see this degree as rather pointless, because it is a rough field to break into, and you can’t really get to the top of the entertainment, or media field without knowing someone who can get you there. It really is all about networking and who you know. College did not teach me anything about education. College taught me life lessons, and helped me figure out how to be an “adult” at an early age. So, for those of you that may think college is bogus, or an arts degree is pointless, let me give you a bit of an insight on what college taught me.

#1.) I am responsible for my own mistakes. I cannot point the finger at someone else; it makes ME look foolish. Nobody forced me to go to class. I was paying to be there. They get their cash whether or not my ass was in that seat.

#2.) It introduced me to kids with different backgrounds. Kids who grew up in different countries, different socioeconomic backgrounds, kids who were second generation American, and so forth.

#3.) Being book smart is great. I mean being book smart will help you earn straight A’s, but being book smart will not make you extraordinary. Remembering what someone else wrote, and having the ability to pencil in the right bubble isn’t that mind boggling.

#4.) College taught me to question society. It taught me to analyze what the media tries to sell, and really helped me not buy into it.

#5.) It helped me find the flaws in Disney movies.

#6.) It taught me how to fail.

#7.) It taught me how to work well with men.

#8.) It taught me how to get along with people I really could not stand. Part of life is learning how to effectively work with people who you dislike.

#9.) It taught me that I hate weed, I suck at beer pong, and I am really better off dating guys that are at least 8 years older than myself.

xoxoxox-Jaclyn

Please follow me on Instagram & Twitter.

@JaclynPassaro

Snarky Sunday.

Snarky Thoughts to begin a new snarky week.

#1.) I have a show tonight, its a shitty, rainy fucking day in Los Angeles, but I am performing at Hanglider Bar-7pm, 1044 S. Fairfax Avenue, parking can be tricky get there early. Come out & give me a hug. I am sweet, and cuddly.

#2.) Seriously guys, you have to check out Snark Attack, Wed Jan 25th- 7pm Los Angeles time! I am hosting! http://www.dromebox.com

#3.) Enough with that promotional bullshit.

#4.) I hate working with anyone who always claims to be busy, but really doesn’t do jack shit. If you’re really busy, you’re getting shit done, and if you’re getting shit done everyone can SEE it. So, you do not need to tell them. Actions speak louder than words.

#5.) You tubers who morphed into yacking advertisements. Buy this, buy that, bitch what ever happened to you telling me how to correctly conceal the bags under my eyes?

#6.) When Spotify says 30 minutes of straight music, then I switch channels and they give me another Ad, wtf, motherfucker you just told me you were going to give me 30 minutes of straight music?

#7. I don’t care about LaLa Land.

Seriously be nice & follow me on Twitter & Instagram @JaclynPassaro

 

2016- Full of Snark

Good Morning Assholes,

Today is New Years Eve, many of you will be making new years resolutions like promising yourself to lose the 25lbs you have been trying to say goodbye to for the past decade, ditching the spouse in your life that is pointless, or trying to become a “better” individual. I am proud of you!

I must say 2016 was a fantastic year. I made it into my late twenties without murdering anyone. I am getting thinner, and more attractive as I age. In the past three months, I have lost 12lbs, and in 2016 decided to turn into a dark blonde. I really like the transition, because it makes my olive skin tone stand out more, and for some reason I feel like it makes me exude a 1970’s glam look. It is chic without trying too hard. I think true beauty should always seem a bit effortless.

This year was also a fantastic year for me comedically. In 2016, I produced multiple stand up comedy shows, figured out my writing style, and am definitely coming into my own on stage. I found out that audience members do not find me appealing as a character, when they do enjoy my act they respond the best to Jaclyn Passaro. Whenever I excel at anything in my life it is always by being Jaclyn. I also got a great tape of my set which is on youtube!

In 2017, I will be submitting to a few comedy festivals, co-producing a stand up comedy show that will held in a quaint theater in Studio City called Just Comedy and trying to perform as much as I can! It is going to be a great year for me.

Now ladies & gentleman a taste of Snark!

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Oh…go Fuck yourself.

-Shit that irks me in comedy.

-I think people are overly sensitive, like seriously, I was raised by two New Yorker’s..I don’t give a fuck about your feelings. I just want you to listen and understand my point my view. You don’t have to necessarily agree with me, but hear me out. I’m a clever asshole.

-I think some people fear a female asshole. Like they want a woman to go on stage and just self depreicate  or be overly sexual. I love dirty jokes, but I like to be filthy in a squeaky clean way. I like mind fucking people. It’s fun. It’s a drug. It’s power.

-I can come across as self-entitled, but I’m not. I am just an asshole. I’m a special kind of an asshole though, I like to blast the music in my car so I don’t have to hear any sirens.

-I am fairly clean on stage with the exception of utilizing the words fuck and twat. Why? because I feel like it. That’s me BUT BUT I love a good dirty comic, just be dirty with a point not for shock value.

-When people tell me I will get ahead because I’m a woman. Yeah, whatever bro. I will get ahead because I am fucking talented and hard working.girlnextdoor

New Photo on my Facebook: By Kevin Mcyntire

Have you listened to my podcast yet? Please do so. It’s free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#NoHardFeelings Podcast

Ladies & Gents,

I have been working on a podcast w/ my fellow Comic Robby Carylsle! Please listen when you have a chance & support #NoHardFeelings!