Oh…go Fuck yourself.

-Shit that irks me in comedy.

-I think people are overly sensitive, like seriously, I was raised by two New Yorker’s..I don’t give a fuck about your feelings. I just want you to listen and understand my point my view. You don’t have to necessarily agree with me, but hear me out. I’m a clever asshole.

-I think some people fear a female asshole. Like they want a woman to go on stage and just self depreicate  or be overly sexual. I love dirty jokes, but I like to be filthy in a squeaky clean way. I like mind fucking people. It’s fun. It’s a drug. It’s power.

-I can come across as self-entitled, but I’m not. I am just an asshole. I’m a special kind of an asshole though, I like to blast the music in my car so I don’t have to hear any sirens.

-I am fairly clean on stage with the exception of utilizing the words fuck and twat. Why? because I feel like it. That’s me BUT BUT I love a good dirty comic, just be dirty with a point not for shock value.

-When people tell me I will get ahead because I’m a woman. Yeah, whatever bro. I will get ahead because I am fucking talented and hard working.girlnextdoor

New Photo on my Facebook: By Kevin Mcyntire

Have you listened to my podcast yet? Please do so. It’s free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I Am All About That Bass

If you haven’t heard this song yet take a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk

It is by Meghan Trainor, a new artist that was recently signed by L.A. Reid. The girl has talent, she cannot even legally drink yet and she has already established herself as a successful song writer. When I was 20, my best accomplishment was going to a party without ending up being the dumbest drunk in the room, sigh. 

Anyways, I think the song is cute, catchy and fun to listen to. That’s it. I have read a few articles in which feminist writers tore the song apart, because Meghan explains how boys like a little more booty to hold at night, which they felt sent a negative message. I am all for women empowerment, but some feminists get on my last fucking nerve, because I feel like they just want to bitch. I am a heterosexual woman, and as a heterosexual woman I do want to be attractive to males, because that is how nature designed me! There is nothing wrong with wanting guys to find you attractive, and most guys like curves. They signify health. The only issue I have is I dislike how they portrayed the slim brunette as the skinny bitch, because that sends a negative message. Beauty is thin. Beauty is curvy. Beauty is athletic. Beauty is thick. Beauty is chubby. 

One blogger pissed me off, because she basically insinuated the song was about being “plus sized”, and Meghan is no where near being plus sized. She is an average sized girl. She is very cute, she is that girl we want to be friends with. The song is a fun way to show she embraces her body, because Hollywood is a thin obsessed town.

Millennials Are a Bunch of Self Loathing Narcissists

Alright. I get it. My generation is sort of obsessed with themselves, because well we are the MTV generation, the social media effected, self loathing narcissistic, ungrateful brats that have no interest in working, yet we want to be rich and famous. We have let all of this nonsense that has been shoved down our throats go to our heads. AH! Naw bitches, naw. We need to forget about the lame shit that previous generations say about us, because the millennial generation is one that did not grow up thinking women should be pregnant baking pies in the kitchen, and the majority of us do not have negative opinions about gay marriage, plus we grew up working on computers, and that is not a bad thing. They took over the world. More and more millennials are finding success building their own businesses, for example, Facebook one of the largest social media sites was founded by Mark Zuckberg, and his peers who happen to be MILLENNIALS! Instagram was also founded by two millennials, so before you go and knock us remember we are not all lazy, selfie posting assholes. 

I live in a world where reality tv makes people super famous for no apparent reason other than they do not mind looking like fools on tv, and I really do not care. If some producer offered me a nice chunk of change, to act like an idiot on TV I would ask them for a pen so I could sign the contract. I am sure most people would do the same. This is my world, this is our world, the millennial world. What are your thoughts?

“REAL” Women Do Not Sell

I know I am going to get a significant amount of slack for this post, because my opinion can be deemed “offensive”, anti-feminist, and down right cold, but I honestly do not give a fuck..I am unapologetic about my unconventional views. So…are you ready?

 I frequently see videos of people trying to explain how models, and women that meet societies standards of beauty are enhanced by photoshop . WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! No duh??? Really??? So, 50 year old actresses really do have wrinkles, and gorgeous super models have acne scars..and Kim Kardashian has cellulite? I am SHOCKED. No really people, I am sure that if you were famous and had millions of people staring at your images, you would not mind a little bit of enhancement here and there. 

I also see people trying to convince advertisers to use “real” women, because “real” women that we see in our everyday lives do not look like the females in ads. Well guess what? When it comes to marketing, “real” is often correlated with “average”, and would you want your product associated with something “average”, if you are smart you would have answered NO! The term average is a big fat gigantic NEGATIVE in marketing. Why? Because you want your product to appear “superior” to others. Plus, if you use average looking everyday women your product will be connected with that, and unfortunately you may see a decrease in revenue. 

The people that are the prime victims of advertisers messages  are young girls, and this is heartbreaking. They are sold the idea that they are nothing more than a toned body, and doll smile. Society as a whole cannot just blame advertisements for teen girls negative body image issues. I said it before and I will say it again, if parents did their damn job, their children would not experience so many problems! The fact that I do not look like a super model does not make me think any less of myself period. I will never be a size 0; oh fucking well. When I was growing up I was complimented more on my intelligence and talents rather than my appearance. Perhaps other parents should do the same. Focus on your daughters talents, intelligence, teach them how to independent, strong and show them that these qualities are far more important than being “pretty”. 

With that being said all you “average” women that complain about not looking like a super model or not have a “skinny” body I do not feel sorry for you, maybe you should focus on your character, or go to the gym a few times a week and quit going to the McDonalds drive through every day. 

Peace

TSB

I Think I Would Blow My Brains Out

Now that I am in my mid-twenties, weddings, engagements and pregnancy photographs are flooding my newsfeed on Facebook, and I honestly find them lame. If I ended up married in some suburb with a few kids, I would probably get a pistol and blow my brains out, because being average just isnt in my blood. I do not understand how women of my generation think so backwards, or maybe it is not them, and its me with the strange thoughts.

I think it is important to be ambitious, and women that want to end up sitting on their asses wiping baby snot all day just doesnt cut it. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the biological desire to reproduce, but if your sole goal in life is to raise babies I think you are weird. How could you possibly want some guy to financially support you? You do realize 50% of marriages will end in divorce, and if you didnt marry a rich guy after the divorce you will be screwed. The workforce is CONSTANTLY changing, and if you cannot keep up you will get trampled on by those that can.

I have family members that are divorced, however they always maintained a good job, so when the divorce was finalized they did not need to worry about money, because they had their own. Ladies it is 2013, time you wake up smell the fucking coffee, get educated and chase a career, because the truth is men like women with their shit together. They are more intriguing and insightful. This is why I cannot just be some dudes wife in a lame suburb raising children, it just isnt me, I would end up unhappy.

Little Girls Envy Women Admire

I am beginning to realize that some girls do not mature into women, instead they live their lives with a middle school mind warped inside of a woman’s body. It is sad. It is detrimental to our society, but that is the cold hearted, disappointing truth. I think it is important to admire others, look at something they did or continue to do that is providing them with some sort of success. Women especially should not envy one another, we should have admiration and encourage each-other to succeed. Unfortunately,  this is not always the case, some women find it amusing to bash one another, tear them apart or flat out exude a significant amount of jealousy. Don’t try to rain on someone else’s parade, because you were not invited to the celebration, or because you think you are not as good as that other woman.

Don’t dislike another woman because they are thinner than you, drive a better car or seem to have the perfect boyfriend, truth is nobody is perfect, and jealousy only leads people to unhappiness and bitterness. Be happy with who you are forget about what someone else has.

What Women Want

For the most part, the majority of heterosexual men are often baffled, and confused by the opposite gender known as women. They cannot seem to grasp the concept of what “women” want, and I think trying to figure this out only sets them up for failure. What do I mean by this? The keyword there is “women”, and it is too generic, because what woman wants another could live without, we are all designed differently therefore we have different wants, and this is an important attribute to making the world go around. 

I will describe to you what I want, and the characteristics the man I will end up with in the end MUST have, no exceptions. I need an intelligent man who is opinionated and supports his arguments with valid facts. Someone who is determined to be successful in his career, a hard worker, a creative thinker and will keep me on my toes. A man that respects me and other women, and words like “slut” are not in his vocabulary. His religious beliefs cannot define who he is. He has to enjoy taking care of his body and eating well. And last but not least he must be loyal.

Now there are women out there that would disagree with me, and that is okay. There are women that do not care about a man’s weight or do not mind it if their man cheats, because they financially support them. Some women would refer to me as “shallow”, or a bitch and I honestly do not care. These characteristics are incredibly important to me, and I do not feel as if I am asking for much. I have a college degree, a job, work out 4 times a week to remain a healthy weight and have aspirations of owning an online business. I believe I am quite the catch and I do not care if that makes me seem conceded or full of myself. Confidence is sexy and powerful go get some!

Trying to figure out the female mind, and picking it apart will not get men anywhere, because not all women are the same. Not all women are attracted to the same type of men, and we all come from different backgrounds, and plenty of psychological studies have supported the claim that we are destined to be captivated by men who are like our fathers. If your father cheated on your mother, you are more likely to be drawn to men that are players, because that is what you were exposed to growing up. It is a tough cycle to break, because we are significantly influenced by our surroundings growing up. 

If you are a heterosexual male trying to learn about what women want, stop now. Instead learn about what the WOMAN you are dating, or would like to date wants. What are her life goals? Does she have high career goals? Does she have the desire to be a mother? What is her sense of style in terms of clothing? Does she want to get married? What does she prefer sexually?

The last one is a biggie, because in general (at least in the USA) women are still encouraged to be hush, hush about their sexuality, where as it is still okay for men to be boisterous about it. Sex is a vital part of a relationship, and it can destroy it if the two lovers are not communicating about what they desire. Again, not all women have the same sexual desires, so figure out what YOUR woman wants, who gives a shit about what WOMEN want.

If you are interested in a particular woman, her hobbies, and her job are two important keys to determining her wants and desires. If she is in shape, chances are she wants a man that is also fit. If she comes from a middle class home chances are she wants a man with a decent job. If she is very religious more than likely she does not want to be in a relationship with an atheist.

Those are my thoughts for the day, what are yours? Comments are always appreciated!