Oh…go Fuck yourself.

-Shit that irks me in comedy.

-I think people are overly sensitive, like seriously, I was raised by two New Yorker’s..I don’t give a fuck about your feelings. I just want you to listen and understand my point my view. You don’t have to necessarily agree with me, but hear me out. I’m a clever asshole.

-I think some people fear a female asshole. Like they want a woman to go on stage and just self depreicate  or be overly sexual. I love dirty jokes, but I like to be filthy in a squeaky clean way. I like mind fucking people. It’s fun. It’s a drug. It’s power.

-I can come across as self-entitled, but I’m not. I am just an asshole. I’m a special kind of an asshole though, I like to blast the music in my car so I don’t have to hear any sirens.

-I am fairly clean on stage with the exception of utilizing the words fuck and twat. Why? because I feel like it. That’s me BUT BUT I love a good dirty comic, just be dirty with a point not for shock value.

-When people tell me I will get ahead because I’m a woman. Yeah, whatever bro. I will get ahead because I am fucking talented and hard working.girlnextdoor

New Photo on my Facebook: By Kevin Mcyntire

Have you listened to my podcast yet? Please do so. It’s free.














I’m kinda like cocaine

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I have always had falling outs with my friends..like since elementary school. It might be because I tend to have shitty taste in friends, or because I am constantly changing and if the people around me aren’t I replace them. This usually occurs with female friends. I form emotional bonds better with men. I also feel more comfortable around them.

Anyways, about three months ago I had a falling out with a close friend; we were close for a few years but eventually I grew tired of listening to her bullshit. I helped this girl find jobs, listened to her issues and didn’t get mad when she fucking blew up my phone on a regular basis about stupid shit. Whenever I needed someone to talk to she would respond by saying stuff like “drink tea, or I don’t want to hear anything negative today”. I just got sick of her. She is also one of those people that makes the same mistake all the time then cries about it. Eventually, I told her off. Occasionally she will send me messages on Facebook (even though we are not FB friends) with random thoughts and I respond with one word answers because it is my classy way of saying I don’t fucking care. In her last message she said that I said some really hurtful things but she forgave me. I found this amusing because I was never sorry. Sometimes you have to aim for the heart in order to get bad people out of your life. Sometimes the people closest to you are the ones dragging you down and causing a lot of negativity in your life. I am so much happier now that we are not in communication with one another. I don’t have to listen to annoying bullshit that could easily be prevented had she used half of her brain. I’m too sassy to deal with this.

I am like cocaine people tell me how horrible I am but they always come back for another round. It happens with guys a lot. I hold grudges though…you piss me off really badly I’ll never talk to you again.

Thoughts about shitty friends?

Why Sprint Sucks

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Happy Saturday Folks, even though the name of my blog has the word “snarky” in it, and I often use sarcasm, and make crude, snarky comments in my writing, I am not a negative person, nor do I like to bitch, and complain, because it’s pointless, but this time around I just have to write about a company that has the WORST customer service. I worked in retail for about five years, therefore, I understand how some customers can be. Some are demanding, rude, and inconsiderate, but I am none of these things. I never complain, I am patient, and show up to appointments on time, but you know what I am pretty ticked off, so I am going to share with you all my terrible experiences dealing with Sprint.

The camera on my iPhone is broken, and I need it fixed! I work for some marketing companies on the side, and they require us to snap photos, plus I have a regular job, and attend school on Tuesdays. I am a busy person. Two weeks ago, I made an appointment at a Sprint location to have my camera fixed, and when I arrived at the location magically the fucking thing started working, well I explained to the tech that my camera has not been working, and he said he would take a look at it, and five minutes later he came back, and said it was some part that wasn’t connected correctly, and he fixed it. Now, he did not necessarily say he opened the phone, but in my opinion, that sounds like he implied that he opened my iPhone.

Later in the week, the camera stopped working again, so I made an appointment to have my phone fixed at 10:00am on Saturday, I checked off the tech option on their website, for a different location than the previous one. I show up and I am told the tech does not arrive until 10:30am, however, the guy said he would take a look, so I left my phone with him, and came back at 10:30. The guys tells me couldn’t do anything (I believe he attempted a hard reset, however, I am not 100% positive, but whatever he attempted he claims the phone wouldn’t do it). I left.

Here’s where I went wrong. Sprint changed the rules around so I can upgrade my phone, for $20 a month for two years, this to me is ridiculous, it’s for idiotic dipshits that want the new iPhone 6, but cant pay for their fucking rent. It makes the most sense to wait for your upgrade, and pay half of what you would normally pay. In order for me to obtain a new phone, my current phone has to be working properly, in order for me to get a decent sum. So, one of the employees at the Sprint location I went to on Saturday said she would offer a discount for the newer phone, so I went back there yesterday, but my mistake was I attempted to have my phone fixed again (because I want the phone working properly to trade in), well, I was told by the tech there was nothing he could do because it is internal, and Apple does not allow them to open up iPhones, so I need a new phone (which I can get due to insurance) so I said okay, I will order a new phone. I was told that location is out, they have a monthly budget, so I needed to go to a “corporate” Sprint, and so I did. I waited over an hour at the “corporate” Sprint to be told that in order for me to get a new phone shipped, my phone needs a dialysis run, and they don’t have time to do so tonight, so I need to come back tomorrow. This leads me to believe that the first guy that claims he “fixed the part in my phone” went back there and did jack shit for five minutes and claims he fixed the part, because they are not allowed to open the phones.

In all honesty, I have been to three fucking Sprint locations in the past two weeks, and my issue is not resolved. My Apple warranty is up, otherwise, Apple is the BEST when they cant fix your phone, they give you a new one right than and there boom. They don’t push you along for another  Apple store to deal with you, because they’re too fucking lazy to do their damn job.

I really want to pay the fee to drop Sprint, and go to T-Mobile, because I cannot deal with horrible, horrible customer service like this. It really is a pain in the ass. It is not that difficult to treat people with respect, and fix their fucking issue. Was it really that difficult for them to just order me a new fucking phone???? They could see the camera was not working! I have insurance!

Who else has had issues with Sprint??? Who is your cell carrier, and do you like them???

Pop Music is Like a Granola Bar


Alrighty, this post was inspired by a blog article that popped up on my Facebook newsfeed about Meghan Trainor.

Meghan Trainor has gained a substancial amount of fame, due to her hit song, “All About That Bass”, which embraces her curvaceous figure. Some feminists hate the song, because some of the lyrics include phrases such as, “she says boys like a little more booty to hold at night”, and stating looking a certain way, because boys approve is deemed “anti-feminist”, but whatever some people bitch for the purpose of bitching. I see nothing wrong with the song, because it’s a fucking pop song, and the whole purpose of pop music is to be light hearted, fun and catchy. Trainer is 20, and she probably wrote this song when she was like 18 or 19; this isn’t an experienced 40 year old WOMAN we are talking about, she’s VERY young. I think people need to get off her case, because the girl is talented, adorable and probably did not think her lyrics would offend so many people. These days you cant look at someone without them getting offended.

Which leads me to my next point, pop music is just like a granola bar. It’s a quick fix, its easy to digest, but it doesn’t last very long. It is not good, or bad for you, and it doesn’t really have any value.

Have you ever read any pop lyrics?

Here’s the chorus to Taylor Swift’s new song:

You got that James Dean day dream look in your eye
And I got that red lip classic thing that you like
And when we go crashing down, we come back every time.
Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

Music snobs know Swift isn’t a great artist, but guess what? She doesn’t have to be she’s a pop star, she writes catchy lyrics that are aimed at tweens, and teens, and they’re not sitting there analyzing the fucking lyrics. She’s sold millions of records, the girl is doing something right.

Here are some from Katy Perry’s song Roar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion

They’re pretty fucking ridiculous, but Perry’s job isn’t to write lyrics like John Lennon, because she’s a pop star, she just needs to wear cute costumes, be bubbly, and write lyrics that are simple, and easy to remember. The primary demographic that listens to her spends their days taking selfies and recording themselves doing the Kylie Jenner challenge, they don’t need anything too deep, trust me.

In the end, I fucking hate it when bloggers, feminists, and other people take pop lyrics too seriously. Thoughts?