#No Hard Feelings

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We discuss shit like Pokemongo, sex with celebrities, sex, the comedy scene, and Robbie’s random visits to the grocery store at 2am.

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You’re such a pillowcase

heathers meme

We all know someone that was whacked with the dumb gene, and hey, not everyone can be intelligent, and there are plenty of ways to be intelligent, and this is part of what makes the world go round, but I am not going to get into that today. I am going to write some of the dumbest comments I have ever heard someone say, some of them were written, and others were verbal.

#1. “This guy put the date rape drug in my drink at the bar, but I was kind of happy he picked me, because I was fat”.

#2. “I put mayonnaise in my hair to keep it soft”

#3. “I gained a lot of weight because of my boyfriend”

#4. “Your snotty”

#5. “Your dumb”

#6. “Those that spit up in the air get it right back on them”

#7. “Where yo boyfriend at?” (not kidding someone said this to me the other day I did not jack it from the MAD Tv skit

#8. “Why you so cold”

What are some of yours? I know you have some!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Male Translations

Some broads just don’t get it.

I have always had a shit done of male friends, because I get along with men better than women. I like guys, because they’re more straightforward, and they don’t get mad over stupid shit, and they don’t act catty. I also have a really dirty sense of humor, and it pisses some broads off, and I don’t give a flying fuck, I have an offensive mouth, get over it. Some females just cant read men, or they’re delusional or they’re in denial, but here are some male translations, take it or leave it, the truth hurts.

He says: Want to come over and watch a movie?

He Means: Want to come over and have sex with me?

He isn’t being an asshole. Which one sounds better? Which one sounds more appealing? Exactly.

He says: I don’t want a relationship with you.

He means: I just wanna bang you.

It is what it is.

He says: I don’t have time for a relationship right now.

He means: I just wanna bang you.

The truth hurts. Deal with it.

He says: I don’t have time to have sex this week.

He means: I have another chick, and I am just keeping you in my phone book in case it doesn’t work out with her.

He says: I don’t like girls that wear a lot of makeup, because they’re vain and high maintenance.

He means: I’m intimidated by you, because you’re attractive, and a lot of guys want to bang you OR some girl that wore a lot of makeup fucked me over, therefore I try to date someone that’s the complete opposite of her, because than it will work out!

He says: You’re stupid.

He means: You’re attractive and I am afraid of you, therefore, I am going to take some stereotypical dig at you to make you feel bad about yourself.

He says: You’re a really pretty girl, and I really like you.

He means: Just that exactly that no bullshit.

He says: You drive me insane.

He means: I’m starting to fall in love with you.

Romantic Comedies & All of Their Stupidity

You probably have seen a romantic comedy, in fact, you have probably seen ten, no maybe a thousand, and each one contains similar storylines, characters, and unrealistic shit about love. For example, many romantic comedies feature, a charming, sexy male lead that fucks every female in sight, because he is emotionally unstable, or a complete asshole, but by the end of the movie he has fallen madly in love with the female lead, and morphs into a really great guy. Hollywood lies to you.

This type of male character is known as the “alpha male”, and women LOVE them. We have all fallen for one, because alphas are confident, charming, and usually incredibly intelligent, and driven. They’re at the top of the food chain, and they know it. I truly believe alphas have an innate gene that drives them to cheat. Do I think all of them do so? No! I do think a significant amount of them do, because women flock to them like a bunch of tweens at a One Direction concert. These types of men  do not make good spouses, UNLESS you are cool with them being unfaithful, or perhaps, you want an open sexual relationship. There are plenty of women out there who do not want to be monogamous.

Hollywood also likes to portray the intelligent, realistic characters as the assholes, because let’s get real people love honesty, but they hate the truth. One of my favorite characters in a romantic comedy is Justin Long’s character in He’s Just Not That into You, because his character said it like it is and didn’t hold anything back. “If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he literally doesn’t give a shit”, and so many girls just do not get it! They make up so many excuses, but the truth is if a guy ignores you, he doesn’t give a fuck! If a guy truly has interest in you will definitely know by his actions. Long’s character is seen as somewhat emotionless, and of course he ends up with the dippy Gigi, who he has been helping throughout the entire film. That’s Hollywood.

26 More Signs She’s a Slut—WTF?

I am basing this blog post off http://www.returnofkings.com/23539/26-more-signs-shes-a-slut

Okay, so this guy clearly is an expert on sluts, perhaps, they’re the only types of women he can get his dick inside.

What’s a slut? According to the dictionary, it’s a promiscuous woman.

Let’s talk about his list shall we.

According to this genius, if a girl grew up with multiple brother especially if they’re older, its a sign that she’s a slut.

If she’s a really good athlete, she’s totally a slut. This genius has inspired me to make a list about how to know whether or not a guy has been seriously burned by women.

#1 He often refers to women as “sluts”, hos, or some other derogatory word.

#2 He claims he’s not into relationships. Guys that have been burned will just sleep with women, because it stops them from having any emotional attachment, and this will allow them to never get hurt again.

#3 He’s a wannabe alpha male. Think Pete from Mad Men, no matter how hard he tries, he will never be Don.

#4 He loves easy women, because they’re easy to keep around, and do not require much work.

#5 He always puts down women

#6 He always puts down couples, because he secretly wishes he was in a relationship.

#7 He was super unattractive  at some point in his life.Being ugly in high school sucks, This is when people tend to start dating, and becoming sexually active. If a guy was unattractive during these years, it could have stopped him from asking girls out (now that we are adults we realize everyone in hs was awkward and probably saw themselves as ugly)

Thoughts?

LA Tips!

LA can suck really…you know what REALLY REALLY FUCKING SUCKS????

Parking tickets, and getting your car towed.

If you’re thinking about visiting, or moving here here’s a few pointers.

#1 READ THE FUCKING SIGNS LOL. My friend and I were dumb last night and didn’t read the signs, therefore our cars were towed. I have only received two parking tickets, and thats really good! Some people have received at least 10.

#2. Theres no fucking parking spaces. Theres 20 businesses in one complex, but like 5 spaces.

#3 Some malls require you to pay for parking. Why do I need to pay for something that should always be free??

#4. You will hit traffic at any given time. Always leave early.

#5 Theres tons of crazy people.

#6 You can find a reasonably priced place on hotpads.com

#7 Not all apartments come with microwaves, stoves and fridges 🙂

#8 Theres plenty of free entertainment, you can go to live tapings for free, walk around and look at all the looneys on hollywood blvd for free, go to the beach, farmers markets etc.