I thought i was a unicorn but I’m really a pigeon WTF…..

Last week, I stumbled across this book entitled “Men Don’t Love Women Like You”. I have no idea how I came across it, as I Google tons of shit all the fucking time, but needless to say I am glad I did. I can’t put it down! Everything this guy says is completely relatable, and there are so many things I do wrong in terms of dating.

For starters, he goes into major detail about how NOT to become a placeholder. A placeholder is a girl a guy is dating, but deep down he will never be truly committed or emotionally devoted to her. He said a guy will make you his girlfriend even if you’re just a placeholder, some men have even fucking MARRIED placeholders! WTF. He goes into great detail about signs you’re just a placeholder, and how to avoid becoming one. (I dont feel like writing them too long)

Here is the part that truly captivated me…ok so, I’m a NARC, and like most NARCS I think I am special. Like a unicorn, like no guy in the history of mankind has ever met someone like me..well turns out in the world of dating I’m a PIGEON LOL. He explains how if you start dating a guy….chances are he has dated someone similar to you..women tend to tell men too much in the beginning, we let our guard down if we feel too comfortable too fast…and that gives the guy power. So, all he has to do is go ok Jaclyn is an Alpha like Tina was, but she is also a dipstick like Melanie was and BOOM he figures out how to play me, if I reveal too many details too quickly.

Here is ANOTHER kicker! I’m a Millennial, and men of my generation are royal fucks. I hate most of them. So, I usually date Gen X, because I like my men a little bit older (35-38 range). These guys know how to DATE you. They’re usually not the Netflix and Chill type unless they’re broke losers. When a guy takes you on multiple dates and does not try to fuck you usually assume he likes you for more than just sex. WRONG. If you sleep with him after six dates, and he loses interest right after the sex, or his behavior changes…it was about sex all along, he just had a more gentlemen approach about going about it. But he still just wanted to get that D in your V πŸ™‚

Kicker #2. I dated one broke loser last year, and after him I will never ever date a guy who is not financially stable. Ever. Financial stability is #1 on my check list. The author sides with me. The author hates dating apps, because he knows you only attract the loser Netflix & Chill types. He is all about a girl going on dates, and guess who should pay? The man. The broke loser I dated never took me out, and was totally clueless about how to be a real man. Part of the reason as to why I dumped him was because he was broke. The others were he was stupid, insecure, and jealous. I am at the point in my life where I dont have time for broke. I have a lot of choices when it comes to dating; I will never settle for a broke loser.

I am learning about ALL the things I do WRONG! Like this last dude, I opened up to him too fast, I liked him, got emotionally attached, and allowed him to fuck with me. I was in la la land, and he did not feel the same way, I was a placeholder, and because I really liked him..I ignored the red flags. Because he made me feel good. After reading this book, I will never be a placeholder again. FUCK THAT NOISE.

I have a whole new way of looking at dating, and the way I approach it. I also learned that I can be a really shitty partner LMAO. Like I am a total bully sometimes, and a huge brat. I try and boss men around to get them to do what I want, and for years I got away with it, or thought I did. Its probably one of the reasons as to why I get dumped a lot. I am also not as good with communication as I thought I was ooopssss! You can’t assume everything, or Google the answers to shit (thats what I do because I have trust issues) you have to ask the person you are dating straight up. With this last guy we shall call him LB. I should have asked LB if he wanted a relationship with me, or saw one in the near future…but I didn’t. I assumed he did not want one because of his behavior. I felt like I was getting dicked around, but I never came out and asked him the question. After reading this book, even if he entered a relationship with me it would have been a complete waste of my time because I was just a placeholder. He even told me I wasn’t his type. I could have wasted months of my life on this guy because he made me “feel” good. I am so glad I came across this book, I will never make the dipshit mistakes I have made in the past….those days are overrrrrrrrr.

I have a new date coming up soon, and will approach it a whole new way πŸ™‚

The book is $10 on iTunes…buy it πŸ™‚

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Love, I guess.

Everyone’s version of love is different, and I think because my parents relationship was really bad it really gave me a distorted view on love. Here is what I can say about it.

#1.) I remember the first time I fell in love. The guy had murder stories taped to his fridge, and we fucked to American Psycho. HAHAHA. He used to have random nose-bleeds, and liked eating quesadillas. I thought he was the greatest thing ever for a while until I outgrew him. He never wanted to get married, and he hated kids. At this point in time I thought he was a weirdo, and personally wanted to eventually get married and possibly have kids.

#2.) I remember the first guy who told me I was beautiful & truly meant it. We were laying in his bed, I remember looking over and seeing all the prescription pills he was taking.

#3.) My high school boyfriend had the best lips ever, no guy since then has had lips like those. But he is married now, and a plumber, and looks like the next door neighbor on Home Improvement…I think I outgrew that too. πŸ™‚

#4.) The guy I lost my virginity to, could tell my hair smelled like vanilla, I thought it was romantic.

#5.) My first kiss overdosed on drugs.

#6.) My first boyfriend died, i think he committed suicide.

#7.) I dont like men who won’t fight with me LOLLOL. They annoy me.

#8.) I won’t date a guy who isn’t financially stable.

#9.) I won’t date a guy who is insecure.

#10.) I am no longer dating any guy who doesnt see how great I am, or is so insecure of losing me he says stupid shit to me to make me feel insecure so I won’t leave him.

Good Sex.

I was watching Shameless, and it made me think about the great sex I used to have with this green eyed hunk.

When I was 21, I fell in love. I thought this guy was everything…well sexually LOL. He taught me what really good sex was and ever since him I have not found someone as wonderful as him.

#1.) Foreplay. It assists in making the sex more passionate. It also shows the guy is willing to take his time, and isn’t trying to rush things so he can get to the finish line faster.

#2.) When you’re both in sync with each other on an emotional level.

#3.) When you’re both willing to try new things.

#4.) Good kissing. A guy who is a fantastic kisser is like the ultimate turn on.You would be surprised as to how many are terrible kissers.

Bad Sex…

What is bad sex? Bad sex is when you would rather read the encyclopedia than be intimate with that person. Bad sex is when that person can’t get inside of your mind, and screw you. You get my drift? Here is a list I created from my personal sexual experiences.

#1.) Your sex partner is inexperienced, but feels the need to dominate. Someone who is sexually inexperienced should back off, and learn from the person who has been around the block a couple of times. As a heterosexual female, I have only been intimate with males, so this issues might be more common for us straight girls. It may be a bit rough for a male to back down, but if they’re secure enough, they’ll let the woman take charge.

#2.) Being completely oblivious to your partners wants and needs. The female body is not the same as a male (you’d think this would be obvious-I thought so too) but we can’t just walk into a room and have you stick your dick in us! We need to get turned on.

#3.) Personally, I strongly dislike when a guy wants to be all of over me the second I walk into a room. It is unattractive, and border line annoying. I like a guy that holds off, observes my mood, and lets me do the initiating. I am not shy.

#4.) There is zero emotional connection. For me I need some sort of an emotional connection. It makes sex seem less calculated, and more animalistic.

#5.) They watch WAYYYYY too much porn! I do not have any problem with a guy watching porn. I do have a problem with them thinking its real, because its not. It’s fake. If you think I am going to scream like a school girl getting fucked the second you enter me you have another thing coming.

 

 

Oh…go Fuck yourself.

-Shit that irks me in comedy.

-I think people are overly sensitive, like seriously, I was raised by two New Yorker’s..I don’t give a fuck about your feelings. I just want you to listen and understand my point my view. You don’t have to necessarily agree with me, but hear me out. I’m a clever asshole.

-I think some people fear a female asshole. Like they want a woman to go on stage and just self depreicate Β or be overly sexual. I love dirty jokes, but I like to be filthy in a squeaky clean way. I like mind fucking people. It’s fun. It’s a drug. It’s power.

-I can come across as self-entitled, but I’m not. I am just an asshole. I’m a special kind of an asshole though, I like to blast the music in my car so I don’t have to hear any sirens.

-I am fairly clean on stage with the exception of utilizing the words fuck and twat. Why? because I feel like it. That’s me BUT BUT I love a good dirty comic, just be dirty with a point not for shock value.

-When people tell me I will get ahead because I’m a woman. Yeah, whatever bro. I will get ahead because I am fucking talented and hard working.girlnextdoor

New Photo on my Facebook: By Kevin Mcyntire

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