2016- Full of Snark

Good Morning Assholes,

Today is New Years Eve, many of you will be making new years resolutions like promising yourself to lose the 25lbs you have been trying to say goodbye to for the past decade, ditching the spouse in your life that is pointless, or trying to become a “better” individual. I am proud of you!

I must say 2016 was a fantastic year. I made it into my late twenties without murdering anyone. I am getting thinner, and more attractive as I age. In the past three months, I have lost 12lbs, and in 2016 decided to turn into a dark blonde. I really like the transition, because it makes my olive skin tone stand out more, and for some reason I feel like it makes me exude a 1970’s glam look. It is chic without trying too hard. I think true beauty should always seem a bit effortless.

This year was also a fantastic year for me comedically. In 2016, I produced multiple stand up comedy shows, figured out my writing style, and am definitely coming into my own on stage. I found out that audience members do not find me appealing as a character, when they do enjoy my act they respond the best to Jaclyn Passaro. Whenever I excel at anything in my life it is always by being Jaclyn. I also got a great tape of my set which is on youtube!

In 2017, I will be submitting to a few comedy festivals, co-producing a stand up comedy show that will held in a quaint theater in Studio City called Just Comedy and trying to perform as much as I can! It is going to be a great year for me.

Now ladies & gentleman a taste of Snark!

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The Prestige, Comedy..Similarities

I do not know how many of you have seen the film, The Prestige, but if you haven’t, you should check it out. It has some incredible actors! Anyways, the film is about two magicians who are constantly competing against one another. One of the magicians has a trick that nobody can seem to figure out…

Magic tricks are broken down into three parts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU0uiGAm_SY 

When I was watching this the other night, I instantly saw a huge correlation between magic tricks and writing jokes.

The first part of the joke is called the premise…in magic tricks, it is called the pledge, the comic tells you something ordinary, or believable…I hate mice, or My shoes piss me off…then in the second act the joke starts to turn…the comic takes that ordinary premise, and starts to show the audience something out of the ordinary and if the audience is truly into it they will not even try to predict where you are going with the joke because ultimately they want to be fooled. Of course there is no third act, there is nobody to bring back, but in a nutshell, I saw a few similarities.

xoxoxoxo- Jaclyn

Make sure to follow me on twitter & instagram @Jaclynpassaro

100% REAL Juice, Not from concentrate

Some people perceive me as a self entitled snob. They are very wrong. I’m just an asshole.

I’m real though.

I’m an ADHD scatter-brained space cadette who’s actually fairly bright & quite endearing.

I can’t help it. I can’t hide it. When I do I become unlikable.

I just finished my first year doing comedy…so far I tried out two characters & they both failed. One was an airhead and the other was a narcissistic bitch. They both failed terribly. First of all, I am not dumb and when the audience caught on to this they stopped laughing. I also couldn’t continue to write from an airhead’s perspective, because although I am a total space cadette, I am still intelligent.

Guess what I do now? I GO ON STAGE AS MY FUCKING SELF!!!!! Sometimes I do well, and sometimes I tank. I just cant be anyone other my adorable, charming self. My jokes hit better coming from Jaclyn, and only Jaclyn. I write a lot of dark material. I turned Barbie into a serial killer and have insinuated killing my boyfriends, and they got laughs…because it was me who felt that frustration it was me who delivered those jokes not some fake ass character. FUCK THAT!

This is comedy from my perspective.

#1. The more successful comics tend to be the nicer of the bunch.

#2. The whiny comics are usually the least talented.

#3. Comedy is still mostly men and at my level they ALL talk about the same shit.

#4. I like being on line ups with newer and more seasoned comics. I don’t feel as intimidated and I can still learn.

#5. I love writing. It is my obsession. It’s all I think about.

Here is some stuff I am working on………………

Smart Porn, Jobs I could never ever do, The fact that most women avoid red flags but i create them, Twisted Snow White.

 

 

#NoHardFeelings Podcast

Ladies & Gents,

I have been working on a podcast w/ my fellow Comic Robby Carylsle! Please listen when you have a chance & support #NoHardFeelings!

Performing is a lot like sex.

Boom.

I have come to the realization that performing is very similar to sex. When it comes to performing my jokes, I have issues connecting with an audience that is not automatically listening. Performing comedy is very similar to sex, because if there is absolutely no emotional connection the audience loses their interest. I believe I do this to a lot of men. I frequently take the emotional switch inside of my brain and shut it off, because I believe it makes me powerful. I have the ability to have sex with whoever I desire without getting burned because I don’t let them emotionally inside of me. This has become a terrible habit because it actually makes me quite weak causing me to never be fully satisfied with any guy.

Whether women want to believe it or not, men like emotional sex. They may like fucking too, because it is more taboo and we live in a sex suppressed society but they want to emotionally connect. Trust me. Part of sexual connection comes from how two people communicate with one another. If a guy gets sick of talking with a girl he will eventually grow sick and tired of the sex. Sex cannot keep a relationship. It will keep a guy temporarily around.

The toughest part about comedy isn’t the joke writing. I know how to write a joke, i know how to write pretty good turns and fuck with people’s heads. I have problems emotionally connecting, because I have emotionally tuned myself out. I need to get it back, I need my vulnerability back because you need that with comedy. If the audience doesn’t sense vulnerability then you fail. If a guy doesnt sense some warmth about you during sex they will not stick around. They lose the ability to feel comfortable with you and really open up.To some form of degree the audience needs to open up to you and feel safe.

Thoughts?

 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

Marriage is not interesting.

 

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To me.

I am at that age where all every girl wants to do is get married. I get asked on a regular basis..the infamous when are you going to get married? I do not have any interest in marriage…here is why.

I think relationships are like a baseball game.

Right now I am one of the star players, because, I am young, fast and have the ability to score at a rapid pace. This is not going to last forever. Time will take away my youth and will force me out of the game and when that time comes, I will get married.

Society likes to tell women they must get married in their 20’s because that is when their beauty peaks and they have more shots at finding a suitable partner. Dear society…you can kiss my ass. I think women get hotter in their 30’s and 40’s because they have a substantial amount of life experience under their belt, and they seem to become more sexually secure. I also believe marriage would work better if people settled down later in life. As far as babies are concerned, it is 2016 if you’re financially secure have a kid…you do not need a fancy cake and a piece of paper to determine that decision.

Thoughts?

I have another show coming up on January 24th at 9pm at El Bar. COME SEE ME! There will be lots of great comics!!

 3256 Cahuenga Blvd W, Los Angeles, CA 90068

https://twitter.com/JaclynAshley79 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t be offensive strictly to offend

If you have not read previous posts, let me inform you, I am doing stand up! I have two upcoming shows in the LA area, one of them is December 19th and the other is December 29th. Anyways, enough self-promotion.

As a comedian, I believe I can make jokes about whatever I choose. I also believe that it is not okay to write offensive jokes strictly to be offensive because you will not look funny you will look like an unlikable asshole. You cannot go on a stage with a set containing offensive jokes if they’re not fucking funny. I love Anthony Jeselnik, he is definitely my favorite comedian right now. He talks about dead babies, murder, and has a number of sexist jokes. They’re all fucking hysterical, partially because they’re all fake, and I realize he is just a character! Most comedians do not go on stage as themselves…they go on as a character.

People these days get uptight about anything and everything…