Oh…go Fuck yourself.

-Shit that irks me in comedy.

-I think people are overly sensitive, like seriously, I was raised by two New Yorker’s..I don’t give a fuck about your feelings. I just want you to listen and understand my point my view. You don’t have to necessarily agree with me, but hear me out. I’m a clever asshole.

-I think some people fear a female asshole. Like they want a woman to go on stage and just self depreicate  or be overly sexual. I love dirty jokes, but I like to be filthy in a squeaky clean way. I like mind fucking people. It’s fun. It’s a drug. It’s power.

-I can come across as self-entitled, but I’m not. I am just an asshole. I’m a special kind of an asshole though, I like to blast the music in my car so I don’t have to hear any sirens.

-I am fairly clean on stage with the exception of utilizing the words fuck and twat. Why? because I feel like it. That’s me BUT BUT I love a good dirty comic, just be dirty with a point not for shock value.

-When people tell me I will get ahead because I’m a woman. Yeah, whatever bro. I will get ahead because I am fucking talented and hard working.girlnextdoor

New Photo on my Facebook: By Kevin Mcyntire

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Dear Women, It’s You.!?!

Dear Women,

Stop blaming men for your body image issues.

Of course some men are shallow and gave into this notion that if a woman does not meet certain physical requirements, she is deemed undateable, but at the end of the day I truly believe this is a small percentage of the male population.

MOST men like ALL types of women. The reason being is because there are ALL types of men! We date people we have stuff in common with. We date people we find relatable. We date people we find sexually attractive, and if a guy only fucks girls that measure up to the women he sees on the cover of magazines, he will soon find out that the only sexual contact he will be getting will be from his hands.

So, hey women.

Stop blaming men for your own self deprecation, did you know the Editor in Chief of Vogue magazine is Anna Wintour? AKA a woman. Did you know for about a decade the CEO of Victoria’s Secret was Sharen Jester Turney..AKA a woman? The list can go on but you kinda, sorta, maybe, perhaps, get my point?

I think women are harsher on other women.

I still hear women make comments like “Well her nose is big, she is fat, I’m prettier, she’s not cute, she’s dumb, she’s okay looking, she’s a bitch, he only likes her because her tits are big, she’s a slut, her hair is ugly, her eyes are too big, her nostrils suck, her calves are too muscular……….”

Blah, Blah, Blah

I believe these types of females are easily intimidated and make such remarks to make their “apparent enemy” feel less about themselves, because an insecure women is a whole lot less threatening than a confident one.

I have a lot of male friends, and I honestly don’t hear them bashing women nearly as badly as other women. Of course they may say stuff like “She’s a slut, or she’s fat”, which isn’t nice but thats as far as it goes! They don’t go into detail about what exactly is wrong with their body, or face, etc they just basically say she’s unattractive!

Hey, women.

Be nicer to each other. You need each other.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jaclyn

My Twitter

 

#TBT Fuck Beauty

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I was a realllyyyyyyy cute kid, and because of it, I was able to raise havoc and get away with it. Cute kids can pull stunts like that, but it wasn’t my cuteness that people around me focused on, it was my brains. I was always really bright, and incredibly creative, and I still am.

I am alittle sick and tired of blogs, memes, billboards, ads, magazines, etc trying to portray this “we are all beautiful bullshit”, no matter your size, age, color, height, gender, you get it, because it’s bullshit. I want to make a gigantic billboard that says “No matter what you look like you will get old, and ugly” end of story. Why can’t we focus on stuff that actually matters? Cindy Crawford was a super model in the 90s, she looks old, wrinkly, and ugly to me…her looks faded, just like every other pretty girl’s will. They don’t last forever. So, why can’t we focus on stuff that actually matters? Why not teach people that being genuine, is a whole lot cooler than being pretty, and being witty will actually get you farther than pretty. It will also attract people who GENUINELY give a flying fuck about you. Pretty people get used, that’s  one of the reasons why so many of them are screwed up in the head. They are constantly being judged.

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Defending Photoshop In Advertising

I get it. You get it. America gets it. Companies photoshop their models. Here’s the deal, EVERYONE has IMPERFECTIONS, and models are no exceptions. They have “ugly” lines on their faces, under eye circles, acne, big pores (you get the idea), and with the help of a magical wand they are instantly transformed into something we perceive as perfection. I understand that this can cause people to look at themselves and think they are supposed to look like that model, especially teenage girls, but studies have shown that how YOUR MOTHER perceives HER BODY effects children MUCH more than the media.

Advertising is about appealing to the masses. It’s about getting a large amount of people to buy what they’re selling, and if people saw a photo of a female with larger pores, and acne, they are probably LESS likely to buy, especially with cosmetic companies. I am not implying that having acne makes you anything less, but what I am saying is we live in a society where beauty is used to sell. If you put a girl with a bunch of acne on a billboard advertising a cosmetic product, it might become associated with the product.

I do believe companies should lay off reshaping faces, and significantly altering their bodies, but as far as acne goes, photoshop away. Models and those in the entertainment industry often have bad skin, because they spend countless hours under lights and wear heavy makeup. People need to understand that nobody is perfect, but selling is selling, and if they are deeply offended, perhaps they should see a psychologist. We are a society that is just TOO obsessed with beauty, and body image, go read a fucking book, or learn how to be funny, quit worrying about what a damn ad is telling/selling you.

Pop Music is Like a Granola Bar

help-make-pop-music-good

Alrighty, this post was inspired by a blog article that popped up on my Facebook newsfeed about Meghan Trainor.

Meghan Trainor has gained a substancial amount of fame, due to her hit song, “All About That Bass”, which embraces her curvaceous figure. Some feminists hate the song, because some of the lyrics include phrases such as, “she says boys like a little more booty to hold at night”, and stating looking a certain way, because boys approve is deemed “anti-feminist”, but whatever some people bitch for the purpose of bitching. I see nothing wrong with the song, because it’s a fucking pop song, and the whole purpose of pop music is to be light hearted, fun and catchy. Trainer is 20, and she probably wrote this song when she was like 18 or 19; this isn’t an experienced 40 year old WOMAN we are talking about, she’s VERY young. I think people need to get off her case, because the girl is talented, adorable and probably did not think her lyrics would offend so many people. These days you cant look at someone without them getting offended.

Which leads me to my next point, pop music is just like a granola bar. It’s a quick fix, its easy to digest, but it doesn’t last very long. It is not good, or bad for you, and it doesn’t really have any value.

Have you ever read any pop lyrics?

Here’s the chorus to Taylor Swift’s new song:

You got that James Dean day dream look in your eye
And I got that red lip classic thing that you like
And when we go crashing down, we come back every time.
Cause we never go out of style
We never go out of style

Music snobs know Swift isn’t a great artist, but guess what? She doesn’t have to be she’s a pop star, she writes catchy lyrics that are aimed at tweens, and teens, and they’re not sitting there analyzing the fucking lyrics. She’s sold millions of records, the girl is doing something right.

Here are some from Katy Perry’s song Roar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion

They’re pretty fucking ridiculous, but Perry’s job isn’t to write lyrics like John Lennon, because she’s a pop star, she just needs to wear cute costumes, be bubbly, and write lyrics that are simple, and easy to remember. The primary demographic that listens to her spends their days taking selfies and recording themselves doing the Kylie Jenner challenge, they don’t need anything too deep, trust me.

In the end, I fucking hate it when bloggers, feminists, and other people take pop lyrics too seriously. Thoughts?

Tits, Boobs, Knockers, Boobies

Americans are completely obsessed with two balls of fat. Marketers use balls of fat to sell stuff like beer, shampoo, food, basically anything you can possibly think of! Why the fuck are we so obsessed with tits? I really don’t get it! Why are they so appealing? Can someone pretty please answer this question? Why are they still taboo? It’s 2015, and if you see a girls breasts in a movie jaws still drop! They’re just another part of the female body, there is nothing raunchy, or provocative about them. Sometimes I think I was born and raised in the WRONG country, because I don’t find anything related to sex as dirty, or offensive. I think many Americans are still prude, and ashamed of their sexuality and bodies. Thats my two sense today before I get ready to peace out for a long ass day!

December Is The Month For Delusional People

Tis the season to be surrounded by delusion fa la la la la

For some reason, winter really brings out the crazy in the crazies to the point where people are actually surprised at how these lunatics are acting. It is kind of difficult to be shocking when you are a known lunatic, but these people know how to do it, because they’re professional crazies. What the fuck am I talking about? People that NEED a reality check. I know you know some.

The first person that needs a reality check is that one person who is so desperate to get into a relationship, because they’re friends are all engaged or married and they want to find that special someone that is going to give them butterflies and scratch their backs on Sunday morning. Winter is a time for couples, but don’t be so desperate to find someone because you will end up unhappy in the end. These types of people do not listen; it is pretty much impossible to get through to them. 

The diet whore. Girl Code said it best NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR DIET UNLESS YOU’RE EATING EVERYTHING! Seriously though, keep your diet to yourself, and all your fitness goals as well, because these types of people TALK about fitness goals, they never actually go out and attempt to achieve them. They are delusional because they think people believe them, and see the same results as them, they see a six peck, and we see nada.

Last but not least the person that likes to exaggerate their family stories to the point of, yeah that only occurred in your imagination. We all spice up a story, but we don’t make it impossible to eat.

I have some more people that need a reality check right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiR4-7Z0Qsk

Tweet me @jaclynashley79