She Has Everything & You Hate Her For It.

She has everything. She’s pretty, she’s articulate, she drives a fancy convertible, she’s had every career imaginable, and she managed to fuck a dick-less boyfriend for over five decades. She’s fantastic and she is made of plastic.

She’s a wholesome sex icon. She is one gigantic joke.

I do a whole Barbie bit in my stand up act. It begins with “my parents always bought me career Barbies..they never seemed to get me the one I really wanted..serial killer Barbie. She was too expensive the bodies were sold separately..”

(Photo Credit: Mariel Clayton)


I truly believe that Barbie was created by a devote Christian because she’s had the same boyfriend for 50 years, and her knees don’t bend.

I think Mattel created a society that mocks society and it all began with monogamy.  I don’t believe Barbie’s “unrealistic” figure should be frowned upon. I think the idea that she’s smokin hot, insanely driven, seems to have it all and only had one boyfriend along the ride is the problem. We are a society obsessed with monogamy and I think this an enormous issue. I don’t care about getting married, or being with the same guy for five decades. It just doesn’t seem fun or realistic.

Barbie and her plastic friends are a representation of what Capitalism and religion have imbedded into our minds. Barbie doesn’t have just any car..she has a pink convertible car, so when she is driving everyone will stare, and probably snapchat it at a stop light. She has a huge mansion in Malibu, a gigantic swimming pool, a Kim Kardashian lifestyle and she never had to get fucked on camera to get it.

I will be performing at Club Privacy at 9pm on October 20th & The Clown House on October 22nd at 8pm in Downtown LA!

I had a great performance at the Ice House in Pasadena this past Sunday… I am trying to get the video so I can post! If not, I will try and film Thursday, or Saturday!


xoxoxoxoxox- Dont forget to follow me on instagram! @JaclynPassaro











Defending a Pop Culture Icon

She is as iconic as Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn. Her unrealistic body proportions have raised countless of eyebrows, and her glamorous lifestyle filled with dream houses and expensive sports cars  dubbed her materialistic. She is a plastic doll. She isn’t real, but she has played a substantial role in pop culture history, and a beneficial one indeed, which is why I am going to defend her.

To some Barbie emulates the epitome of western culture standards of beauty, due to her straight blonde hair, big eyes and tiny nose. Her influence has caused some women to undergo thousands of dollars worth of cosmetic surgery in order to achieve her unattainable look. Those women more than likely suffer from body dysmorphic disease, because millions of young girls have owned a Barbie and they’re not running to Dr. 90210 to alter their appearance. I do not believe Barbie plays a vital role in contributing to eating disorders, nor do I think she is the cause for many to suffer from them.

According to Time Magazine, Barbie has been “employed” every year since she made her way onto toy store shelves back in 1959. Some of her professions include doctor, astronaut, and fashion editor. In 2014, Entrepreneur Barbie made its debut, and I think that is fantastic. Throughout her 55 years, Barbie has maintained a relationship, succeeded in numerous careers and won millions of children’s hearts.

Barbie has contributed a positive message to adolescent girls, but unfortunately when people think of the iconic doll, the first thought that comes to mind is her looks. Even though Barbie is just a plastic toy, she suffers from the same problems that other famous icons endured, like Marilyn Monroe, she is remembered mostly for her looks. I believe this is a problem, because it shows how shallow society is. People are so obsessed with the way someone appears or in this case something, they often dismiss other important attributes about them.

Barbie is a representation of a beautiful woman, but she also represents independence. She sends some great messages about achieving career goals, imagination and dreaming big. Her latest campaign is called #unapologetic and it is all about not apologizing for being who you are. Nobody should ever feel the need to apologize for being who they are, unless they are murderers or animal abusers.

Barbie Gets Turned Into A “Real” Woman

Dear World,

In case you do not know by now, Barbie is NOT a human being, she is a fucking doll. You get that a doll. She has synthetic hair, a plastic body and of course unrealistic body proportions. How many times have articles been posted about Barbie’s unrealistic body proportions? A ton. I am tired of hearing about Barbie, and people constantly complaining about how “skinny” is being shoved down our throats. Truth is skinny women are beautiful, chubby women are beautiful, curvy women are beautiful and there are plenty of celebrities and television personalities that represent these body types. Demi Lovato is not “skinny”, Miranda Lambert is far from thin, Ricki Lake is a normal sized woman, Jennifer Lawrence is thin but she is not an unhealthy weight. The Kardashians are all healthy. See? I can go and on. 

While the blonde bombshell still remains a pop culture icon, I believe she does not exude the power she once did. Personally, I knew Barbie was a doll and I was never going to grow up to look like a Barbie doll. I am a brunette with dark eyes and fair skin, the complete opposite of a Barbie doll. Do I think Barbie’s body is unrealistic? Yes. I do not care though, she is a doll! Real women do not look like her and I do not understand why any of them would feel anger towards a children’s toy. 

In my opinion, I do not feel Barbie’s figure needed to be altered. I do believe they should make their ethnic Barbies have ethnic features. African Americans, Hispanics, Asians, and Caucasians do not have the same kind of facial features. We are all different, and that is what makes the world unique. Most ethnic Barbies are Barbie with darker skin. 

Bye World,