My Comedy Rules & Goals

So, as my comedy act continues to grow, and my voice continues to strengthen, I am developing my own personal comedy rules & goals.

#1.) Keep writing. Always. Everyday you are growing, and becoming more knowledgable, and this should be seen in your jokes. Always.

#2.) If someone isn’t as strong as you don’t listen to them. It’s okay to admit you’re talented because you are. Your brand is starting to grow, and people who are not as talented should butt out of your business.

#3.) Never ever tear down someone’s appearance in a joke. Do not do this to males or females. Sure you have made fun of people’s appearance in your life, yes, who hasn’t but for the stage you go after people’s character, you go after how stupid people are, because you’re bright. Your humor is witty, and humor targeting people’s appearances is easily accessible. That isn’t you. It is also shallow, and Jaclyn Passaro is not shallow.

#4.) Start looking better on stage. Dress better. Your comedy style is old school; it is very classic, and so should your physical appearance. All of the comics you enjoy do not go on stage looking schlocky. They look put together, because the comics you enjoy are not self deprecating.

#5.) Never apologize. There are people who will not get you and your style of humor. Fuck them.

#6.) Never ever dumb yourself down. The right people will fall in love with you.

#7.) Find a headliner who you compliment well and open for them.

#8.) Buy merch so you can start making some cash.

#9.) Perform in Florida & New York (This Year)

#10.) Continue to get darker, and darker. You like making people laugh at what they really shouldn’t laugh at, because its a challenge, and you have an ego. The ego says I am so good I am going to make you laugh at something you shouldn’t laugh at.

#11.) Become MORE narcissistic. The jokes that emphasize the narcness hit extremely well.

#12.) Act friendly. You are always stand offish, and that isn’t going to help you. Its going to make people think you’re a snob.

 

xoxoxoxoxo- Jaclyn

 

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Love, I guess.

Everyone’s version of love is different, and I think because my parents relationship was really bad it really gave me a distorted view on love. Here is what I can say about it.

#1.) I remember the first time I fell in love. The guy had murder stories taped to his fridge, and we fucked to American Psycho. HAHAHA. He used to have random nose-bleeds, and liked eating quesadillas. I thought he was the greatest thing ever for a while until I outgrew him. He never wanted to get married, and he hated kids. At this point in time I thought he was a weirdo, and personally wanted to eventually get married and possibly have kids.

#2.) I remember the first guy who told me I was beautiful & truly meant it. We were laying in his bed, I remember looking over and seeing all the prescription pills he was taking.

#3.) My high school boyfriend had the best lips ever, no guy since then has had lips like those. But he is married now, and a plumber, and looks like the next door neighbor on Home Improvement…I think I outgrew that too. 🙂

#4.) The guy I lost my virginity to, could tell my hair smelled like vanilla, I thought it was romantic.

#5.) My first kiss overdosed on drugs.

#6.) My first boyfriend died, i think he committed suicide.

#7.) I dont like men who won’t fight with me LOLLOL. They annoy me.

#8.) I won’t date a guy who isn’t financially stable.

#9.) I won’t date a guy who is insecure.

#10.) I am no longer dating any guy who doesnt see how great I am, or is so insecure of losing me he says stupid shit to me to make me feel insecure so I won’t leave him.

Shitty week ended pretty cool.

So, I had a pretty shitty week. Eh it happens. But we learn from the bad in life, and if we are smart we use the bad to create something good…like in my case it is art.

I had an audition yesterday, and it went well! I got chosen to perform for Vets on November 11th! How COOL! Performing makes me feel so, so happy! It makes me feel like I am changing the world, and giving people something as magnificent as laughter makes me know I am doing something right. Whenever I am performing, and I am doing well, I feel like I am on top of the world, like I am on this amazing drug, and nothing has ever made me feel that way. Maybe performing will always be my boyfriend LOL. No guy has ever made me feel the way I feel when I am doing well on stage.

Also, I am doing a shoot next Saturday for a pilot that my friend Sally Mullins is producing, it is a dating show! If you haven’t checked her out please do Sally is one of my favorite people ever! So fucking talented, and so fucking nice! Everyone loves her. This is her site: http://www.sallymullins.com

Words of Wisdom…Let it Be

I thought I would write this post up super duper quick before I start this crazy ass day. I know a thing or two about life.

#1.) Communication is crucial for any type of a relationship. Whether it is a friendship, a co-worker, or someone you are dating, a lack of communication can cause a lot of trouble.

#2.) Not everyone is going to like you, who gives a fuck.

#3.) You are not going to succeed at everything you want to succeed in you will fail, and that is cool, everyone does.

#4.) Don’t use drugs to make you thin, you will get fat again.

#5.)  You will outgrow friends. It happens.

#6.) We all fucking die, chase your dreams.

#7.) We all fucking die, chase the person you love even if you think you’re going to get burned…

#8.) Sex is super good for you.

#9.) Fucking is cool too as long as nobody gets hurt.

#10.) Sometimes you cannot see the red flags because they are covered by fire works,  enjoy the view anyway, passion is fun.

#11.) If he was a bad guy at once it doesnt mean he is now, people change, people grow.

#12.) If he is a shitty father it shows a lot about his character.

#13) Cuddling is fun, and helps you get good sleep.

#14.) Kissing is the best, it takes you back to high school, nothing like teen love.

#15.) You have to learn from your mistakes, if you continue to do the same shit you’re a fucking moron.

#16.) We all get played, but it makes us stronger players.

#17.) Taylor Swift is usually dead on.

#18.) Guys tell your girl she is beautiful, even if lots of people do, she needs to hear it from you too.

#19.) We all get burned, but it makes our skin stronger.

#20.) Do drugs for fun, not to subside pain.

#21.) Turn your pain into art.

#22.) Try Kombucha its insanely delicious.

#23.) Take long walks.

#24.) Get your oil changed on time.

#25.) Write all your feelings down.

#26.) Cry. It makes shit better.

#27.) Read even if its articles, read.

#28.) Do Cardio.

#29.) Sometimes you need therapy, its all good, so see one.

#30.) We are all flawed, and have issues.

#31.) Learn to be captivated by yourself.

#32.) A litte narcissism never hurt nobody.

#33.) Alittle vulnerability never hurt nobody.

#34.) Its okay to admit you’re good at something.

#35.) Learn to save your money, I am so bad at this I am always broke lol.

#36.) Don’t waste your energy on dumb shit it aint worth it.

#37.) Be a good friend.

 

 

 

Oh Gosh a Letter.

When I was a Freshman in college, I had to write a letter to myself, it contained mostly career goals, and what we wanted from our future. I wanted to be the next Jessica Savitch, and I wanted to start a charity, and save the world. I remember a friend saying “ok Angelina Jolie”. I was so sweet, so naive, and so vibrant. Oh yeah and I wanted a bunch of books published. LOL.

I cannot be the next Savitch, because I really do not have an interest in reporting the news. I cannot write a bunch of books, because I’m not that good of a writer. I’m a good blogger. I can however, write really good jokes. I can make people laugh. I can push the envelope, and get people to see the extraordinary in something that appears to be ordinary.

That’s why I love comedy. Writing is that thing I fell in love with when I was 6. It allowed me to CREATE, EXPLORE, ESCAPE. Performing gives people happiness, but it also makes them THINK. My humor is not easy; it’s clever, and difficult. Some people cant handle it, and I am okay with that. My art is allowed to push people’s buttons, and make them feel. If they cannot handle their feelings then fuck them.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

@JaclynPassaro

Pat on the back doesn’t pay the bills.

Below is my expression when I would do well at my jobs, and was never rewarded with cash.

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I am one of those people who is incredibly driven, independent, and competitive. Anything you can do I can do better. Seriously. Unfortunately, I can also become the employee from hell LOL. I remember I worked at Ulta for one month when I was 17, and then was fired. I really didn’t give a fuck. Why? The pay was shitty, the discount sucked, and I hated facing. Oh, and they wanted us to get people to sign up for this shitty fashion magazine, in addition to their rewards program with absolutely no monetary gain. You want to motivate people? Pay them.

I worked for an agency. I was hands down one of the most creative people there. I got shit done. I got shit done quick. I was able to get clients on some pretty cool blogs. You think I got a raise? Nope. I quit. Caio!

I’ve worked for people who wrote nasty emails about how I was stupid; they made me cry, they cut like a knife, but you know what fuck them. They were in debt, and hated themselves, so naturally they took it out on someone else. I admit to being a dingbat at times, but I am far from dumb. Nasty comments have only made me stronger. You want to call me dumb? Go ahead. Have fun. TWAT!

I’ve worked around people who are lazy, uncreative, and have no major goals. They make you so depressed after a while. Its like they gave up on life, and the highlight of their year is when Starbucks puts out the holiday drinks.

All of these companies had one thing in common, they failed to realize a pat on the back doesnt pay the bills. If you want to keep a team of MVP’s you have to pay them, and reward them.

XOXOXOXOXO- Jaclyn

 

That dark ass humor tho.

So, I do mostly one liners, and mostly dark humor. I love dark humor, because I find it really amusing to see people go “oh”, or “aw”..look around the room at other people to see whether or not it is “okay” to laugh. I get off on it. HA HA. Yeah, my jokes are well written, and I look too dumb to understand that what I am saying is so awful, so yes..please laugh.

I grew up in a family that found humor in all dark subjects. My mother and her sister laughed at her Aunt’s funeral because the shoes on the body looked like Dorothy’s from the Wizard of Oz. My grandpa used to tell us crazy stories like how he was on a trolly once turned away and then looked back at the guy next to him and the guys head got cut off because he stuck it out the window & BAAAMMMMM. We cracked up about this. My grandpa told me about how his sister died at 19; she was a dancer, he loved her. The fact that bad shit happens was never ever hidden from me.  But I was taught early on to find the funny in it.