This past year, I have grown significantly as a person, and I am proud of myself. I made some awesome friends who have helped me a lot both emotionally, and artistically. Good friends make the world go round.
One in particular has made me own up to my personality type, and not be apologetic about it. He is like an uncle figure to me, and he has helped my art and self esteem tremendously. I will give you a prime example, one day I was telling him about my day at work. I told him that I was at my office, and we were eating lunch, and I said to everyone in the room, tomorrow I am going to have a drink with so and so after our walk through. Now this was not a weird thing, the men did it all the time with each other, and everyone knew! Well, this woman yelled out “you know just because a man doesn’t have a ring on his finger doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a woman at home”. I was caught off guard because I had zero intentions of getting into this guys pants! My friend said look Jaclyn you did NOTHING wrong! She is probably projecting HER personal thoughts onto you, and because you’re narcissistic you think it’s about YOU but its really not. That is TOTALLY TRUE! So many times I have questioned what I have said or done because I thought the situation was about me but it wasn’t.
This applies to my men too. A couple of months ago, I met this guy, and we started hanging out and I really developed feelings for him. He said some fucked up shit to me like “you can’t emotionally handle me’, “you’re not my type”, “your tits are small”, just shit to try and tear down my self esteem. He was really just projecting..he can’t emotionally handle someone like myself. I saw girls he has dated, and in my opinion, I am better looking, and far more interesting. I saw one in particular who looked like she could star in a pampers commercial…I am sorry I don’t look like the type of girl who would get pregnant and follow through with it. He felt threatened. I am much smarter than this guy…he asked me if he could eat organic honey! I am not angry with this guy anymore, because I realize he is just a broken man who needs serious therapy, and I only wish him the best of luck in his life, because being angry at him doesn’t benefit me. I learn and grow from these mistakes. I also turn it into humor. I think in his heart he felt as though he was not good enough for me, and many times when broken people feel this way they try and break you too. He wasn’t good enough for me. He wasn’t passionate enough, he wasn’t smart enough, he wasn’t kind enough, he wasn’t secure enough, he wasn’t romantic enough, and he wasn’t strong enough. I don’t need broken men in my life, who only want to talk to me when they need me. I don’t do that to people. I am so loving and caring and loyal and I deserve all of that right back.
My friend has made me realize that many of the dipshits I dated were nasty to me because they more than likely felt they weren’t good enough..and you know what..THEY WEREN’T. If you’re a person who projects your insecurity onto others do yourself a favor and CHOKE ON IT!
XOXOXOXOXO- Jaclyn Passaro