I have issues. You have issues. The crazy neighbors that always fight have issues. We all have issues. It sucks, I know but its part of being human.
I have tons of issues, for example, I hate myself for not being more successful at this point in my life. I cry about it ALL the time. I thought I would have a big house by now, and a sports car in my garage, and an endless supply of Fiji water! I thought I would have written at least one best selling book, and I would have traveled the world, and eaten fresh gelato made from a guy who couldn’t speak english. I thought I would have a closet filled with every Louis Vuitton bag ever made. I thought I would be in love by now, and sometimes I cry because I feel like I have absolutely nothing, but you know what I do have? A handbag filled with mistakes, and that’s important because those mistakes are a crystal clear representation of different learning experiences. And you know what I would be without those mistakes? A lame sitcom character nobody wants to have brunch with.
Various mistakes I made….
I got bad grades in high school. I graduated with a 2.6 GPA. I barely passed math; I would get by with like 60% LOL. I hated math, because it frustrated the fuck out of me. It made me feel dumb, and no matter how many times I asked the teacher for help, or saw a tutor, nothing helped. If I was able to score a 70% on a test, that was an achievement. I did bad in chemistry, because it was boring, and I tuned the teacher out, and I also dicked around during that class. I did alright in English, and History, I think I got B’s, and then came college. It took me 5 years to get a Bachelor’s of Arts degree…LOL. I used to ditch my classes, and I tried to take science and math in the same semester…freshmen year not a good choice. I also had a part time job, and then sophomore year had internships. I did terrible in psychology. I got a D twice LMAO. I was so bored.
In the beginning, I wanted to be an anchorwoman. Until I realized I had too much of an accent, and I really gave zero fucks about the news. I mean…I’m not Katie Couric. I could never be that cookie cutter perfect girl with perfect blonde hair that never has any strays, and constantly don a Growing Pains smile. That’s just not Jaclyn. Also, I remember one day this guy came into class and basically implied we would have to do some fucked up shit in order to boost our careers and ratings, and I’m just not down for that shit. I don’t want to hurt people, because hurting people will hurt me.
I always wanted to be in the entertainment industry. Always. When I was little I used to have conversations with myself in the mirror, and instead of taking me to therapy, my mother thought oh my kid is going to win an Oscar. I’ve always had a vivid imagination. A real kooky one. When I was like 7, I wanted to be a writer. I didn’t know what I wanted to write, but I wanted to be one. When I was 11, I wanted to be a movie director, and an actress. I did take acting classes as a kid, and perform in talent shows, but whatever nothing ever came of it, besides we lived in Arizona, and I never had the ability to get any big auditions. As a kid, I could act. I was a pretty good serious actress, and I wasn’t afraid of showing my sadness, or the anger I had built up inside me, because I was pissed at my parents, or sad that the kids at school picked on me a lot (because they did when you’re shy & awkward you’re just a target). It was a cool way to escape. I always knew that I was far more special than those kids. As narcissistic as that sounds, I knew I had something they didn’t and that was talent, and drive.
I’m also really bad with managing my money, and dating. I’m no picnic. I know that, but that’s okay, because picnics suck. They’re boring. I’m a party. Sometimes I’m the loud party that causes the cops to show up. Sometimes I’m the cocktail party…a bit more serious, and professional. Sometimes I’m a kids party…all sweet and innocent. In the end, I’m still a party, and that’s a good thing. I get down on myself for not being in a serious relationship by now, but in the end it’s not really a mistake. Had I ended up married or serious with any of the guys I have dated, I would have end up unhappy. I wasn’t crazy in love with any of them, and I need to be crazy in love in order to settle down, and some people find that someone when they’re 40! So what! Maybe I am just that girl that finds the right guy when she’s 40!
I don’t have a solid career yet, because I changed jobs a lot LOL. I always wanted a career in entertainment, and ever since I started comedy…..I haven’t gotten sick of it. I’m addicted. I’m addicted to the writing, and character development. I’m addicted to the high that performing gives me. I’m addicted to the kooks I have met doing it. I’m addicted to the DM’s I get telling me how funny i am, and asking when I will be playing in their town. I’m addicted to the feeling of knowing that for the first time I know I am doing something right, and in my heart and soul….I know it is going to work out. I’m struggling…but I just know I am going to succeed.
The biggest mistake I made was believing that superficial things would make me happy. What if I did end up becoming a successful anchor woman, and I had all the material possessions I ever wanted…but I had to so many skeletons in my closet they were busting out the door. I’d hate myself for becoming a monster. I believe I can help people through humor, and I will be financially successful with it. It might take some time but it will happen. I want to do it to help people not to post my yacht on Instagram.