Snark Attack

Ladies & Gentlemen,

Please tune into Snark Attack on Wed, 7pm, http://www.dromebox.com I am hosting this one! On this episode, comics will be roasting Drome Box shows.

 

 

snarkattack-edit

Advertisements

Snarky Sunday.

Snarky Thoughts to begin a new snarky week.

#1.) I have a show tonight, its a shitty, rainy fucking day in Los Angeles, but I am performing at Hanglider Bar-7pm, 1044 S. Fairfax Avenue, parking can be tricky get there early. Come out & give me a hug. I am sweet, and cuddly.

#2.) Seriously guys, you have to check out Snark Attack, Wed Jan 25th- 7pm Los Angeles time! I am hosting! http://www.dromebox.com

#3.) Enough with that promotional bullshit.

#4.) I hate working with anyone who always claims to be busy, but really doesn’t do jack shit. If you’re really busy, you’re getting shit done, and if you’re getting shit done everyone can SEE it. So, you do not need to tell them. Actions speak louder than words.

#5.) You tubers who morphed into yacking advertisements. Buy this, buy that, bitch what ever happened to you telling me how to correctly conceal the bags under my eyes?

#6.) When Spotify says 30 minutes of straight music, then I switch channels and they give me another Ad, wtf, motherfucker you just told me you were going to give me 30 minutes of straight music?

#7. I don’t care about LaLa Land.

Seriously be nice & follow me on Twitter & Instagram @JaclynPassaro

 

Good Sex.

I was watching Shameless, and it made me think about the great sex I used to have with this green eyed hunk.

When I was 21, I fell in love. I thought this guy was everything…well sexually LOL. He taught me what really good sex was and ever since him I have not found someone as wonderful as him.

#1.) Foreplay. It assists in making the sex more passionate. It also shows the guy is willing to take his time, and isn’t trying to rush things so he can get to the finish line faster.

#2.) When you’re both in sync with each other on an emotional level.

#3.) When you’re both willing to try new things.

#4.) Good kissing. A guy who is a fantastic kisser is like the ultimate turn on.You would be surprised as to how many are terrible kissers.

Bad Sex…

What is bad sex? Bad sex is when you would rather read the encyclopedia than be intimate with that person. Bad sex is when that person can’t get inside of your mind, and screw you. You get my drift? Here is a list I created from my personal sexual experiences.

#1.) Your sex partner is inexperienced, but feels the need to dominate. Someone who is sexually inexperienced should back off, and learn from the person who has been around the block a couple of times. As a heterosexual female, I have only been intimate with males, so this issues might be more common for us straight girls. It may be a bit rough for a male to back down, but if they’re secure enough, they’ll let the woman take charge.

#2.) Being completely oblivious to your partners wants and needs. The female body is not the same as a male (you’d think this would be obvious-I thought so too) but we can’t just walk into a room and have you stick your dick in us! We need to get turned on.

#3.) Personally, I strongly dislike when a guy wants to be all of over me the second I walk into a room. It is unattractive, and border line annoying. I like a guy that holds off, observes my mood, and lets me do the initiating. I am not shy.

#4.) There is zero emotional connection. For me I need some sort of an emotional connection. It makes sex seem less calculated, and more animalistic.

#5.) They watch WAYYYYY too much porn! I do not have any problem with a guy watching porn. I do have a problem with them thinking its real, because its not. It’s fake. If you think I am going to scream like a school girl getting fucked the second you enter me you have another thing coming.

 

 

Just Comedy Stand Up Show.

Good Morning,

If you live in the Los Angeles area, and enjoy watching stand up comedy, you have to attend this show I am co-producing! It will take place on Feb 12th at 7pm, at Two Roads Theater in Studio City, doors will open at 6:30pm! NO DRINK MIN! Refreshments will be for sale! $12 tickets! Here is the link buy them now!!! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/just-comedy-stand-up-show-tickets-30746005129

Ryan Stout will be headlining. He is incredible. You have seen him on Chelsea Lately, Comedy Central, and TruTv’s Fameless.

I Find Don Draper So Relatable.

I love Don Draper. He is sexy. He is witty. He is completely fucked up.

Don Draper is a marketing genius, and the type of man every man secretly wishes they could be. On the surface, he wreaks of perfection, but beneath the perfectly tailored suit and shadow of smug is a man who is painfully miserable.

First of all, Don doesn’t think love exists, and I agree. I don’t think people fall in love, I think they think they are in love.

Don consistently cheats on his wife, and I do not think it was just about sex. I think Don never found his equal, and throughout the series each woman was a clear representation of what he was missing in his life. Betty Draper was a cold-hearted bitch who lacked emotions. This is quite ironic, because a substantial amount of Don’s job was making people “feel” through advertising.

Midge Daniels was edgy and exciting. She smoked weed, had casual sex and made her own money. You think Betty would have touched Mary Jane? Maybe if it would have prevented wrinkles.

Candace, the prostitute. She slaps Don and for a split second he knows what it is like to feel dominated. Don always has to be the boss and tell everyone what to do. At least he wasn’t married at that time.

I can relate to Don Draper, because like him, I do not think I am capable of finding a guy who has everything I desire. I think all men are large puzzles, and the finishing piece is always missing.

 

screen-shot-2017-01-02-at-6-31-22-pm