Dear Alex Part Two.

Dear Alex,

It has been thirteen years since we spoke. We were entering our sophomore years of high school; I had blossomed into this awkward, confused teenager with huge boobs, and you were 140lbs even though your diet consisted of milkshakes, burgers, and weed. You had a notebook that got passed around, and it discussed all of the “hot” girls at your school, you informed me about the term “Boca bitches”, and how you worked on cars during the summer to earn extra cash. Your Myspace default photo was of you in a Mercedes wearing Gucci shades. We went to the beach that summer, you told me about your dumb blonde friend who wished she had bigger boobs. We blasted 50 Cent & Lil Kim’s Magic Stick in order to piss my mother off. It was a great time, and it was the last time we would ever see one another on Earth.

In 2015, I googled you to see what happened to you, and my heart sank. I felt like someone was playing a horrible practical joke on me, because your obituary came up. Alex, you and your family played such a vital role in my childhood. I will never ever forget you. I cherish the connection we had. We both had over the top vivid imaginations, expensive taste and shitty summer birthdays. You introduced me to Goosebumps, Alex Mack, and teased me because I had training wheels on my bicycle. We played house together, our parents were certain we would get married. We drove around in my purple Barbie convertible during the summer block party on Eden lane, ran through sprinklers, and wore big orange floaties on our arms because we couldn’t swim. You my first best friend.

Hey Alex, I love you, I always have. I wish I could have saved you. If you left earth because of drugs I wish I could have been the voice of reason and pushed you into the right direction. If you left due to suicide, I would have saved you from yourself.

In the end until we meet again my friend, I want to say thanks for the memories. Thank-you for doing homework with me, catching lightening bugs in the summer time, telling me you were a vampire, coming to my dance recitals, facing puberty with me, and pissing me off in the lunch room. You were fantastic, my love.

xoxoxox-Jaclyn.

 

 

 

 

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She Has Everything & You Hate Her For It.

She has everything. She’s pretty, she’s articulate, she drives a fancy convertible, she’s had every career imaginable, and she managed to fuck a dick-less boyfriend for over five decades. She’s fantastic and she is made of plastic.

She’s a wholesome sex icon. She is one gigantic joke.

I do a whole Barbie bit in my stand up act. It begins with “my parents always bought me career Barbies..they never seemed to get me the one I really wanted..serial killer Barbie. She was too expensive the bodies were sold separately..”

(Photo Credit: Mariel Clayton)

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I truly believe that Barbie was created by a devote Christian because she’s had the same boyfriend for 50 years, and her knees don’t bend.

I think Mattel created a society that mocks society and it all began with monogamy.  I don’t believe Barbie’s “unrealistic” figure should be frowned upon. I think the idea that she’s smokin hot, insanely driven, seems to have it all and only had one boyfriend along the ride is the problem. We are a society obsessed with monogamy and I think this an enormous issue. I don’t care about getting married, or being with the same guy for five decades. It just doesn’t seem fun or realistic.

Barbie and her plastic friends are a representation of what Capitalism and religion have imbedded into our minds. Barbie doesn’t have just any car..she has a pink convertible car, so when she is driving everyone will stare, and probably snapchat it at a stop light. She has a huge mansion in Malibu, a gigantic swimming pool, a Kim Kardashian lifestyle and she never had to get fucked on camera to get it.

I will be performing at Club Privacy at 9pm on October 20th & The Clown House on October 22nd at 8pm in Downtown LA!

I had a great performance at the Ice House in Pasadena this past Sunday… I am trying to get the video so I can post! If not, I will try and film Thursday, or Saturday!

 

xoxoxoxoxox- Dont forget to follow me on instagram! @JaclynPassaro