#No Hard Feelings

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We discuss shit like Pokemongo, sex with celebrities, sex, the comedy scene, and Robbie’s random visits to the grocery store at 2am.

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Obscene Angst.


I’m 28 years old, and I can still be as whiny as a teenage girl who first discovered that tampons are so much better than pads. I still have outbursts of random tears and can feel a euphoria of hormones taking over my body, but now I know why.

It has finally been diagnosed that I have ADHD. I have been struggling with these symptoms for years often frustrating those around me, and pissing co-workers off, but I can’t help it. #Thestruggleisreal and oh so painful.

When you have ADHD you struggle to pay attention, and get distracted by the smallest things, but when you find something you love you become obsessed and focus all your energy into it and making it easy to run over your competition. I am one of those people that is relentless, driven and hates to fucking lose. I can be obsessive. I can be a total fucking nightmare to deal with. I’m a fucking nightmare to date because in the beginning I am so well behaved, interested, happy and after a few months, I’m just like fuck this! I’m bored, I mastered that, I need something new.

When I was in first grade, I couldn’t wait to learn how to write, and read. I love it and because of this, I did quite well in reading and writing. I was reading at like a senior in high school when I was in 6th grade, because it interested me. Then I got bored and was like eh, whatever, fuck this, school is lame, these people don’t know shit…helloooooo junior high! In 7th grade, we were required to do AR, aka this accelerated reader program. The books bored me, I was a bad girl and lied about how many pages I was reading. We were required to take quizzes on the books we read, and I would guess all the answers and of course FAIL! The books were fucking boring, the character were un relatable and I disliked reading. Then I discovered Phyllis Reynolds Naylor’s Alice series. I do not know how these books were placed on the shelves of a conservative school run by Mormons, but they were and I enjoyed them. The Alice series was edgy often talking about sex, but it wasn’t dirty, it was through the mind of a teenage girl, who relatable. Alice was spunky, she was insecure, she was funny, and she was discovering things that I was discovering. I actually read the fucking books and scored high on the stupid AR tests.

As an adult, I struggle to be “normal” because I don’t think like other people do. I never look at minor details, because I don’t really care about them. When it’s my turn to bat, I swing for a home run causing me to forget that you need some doubles in order to win the game. I only care about the big picture.


(Image: 8tracks.com)

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Snarky Sex

My snarky thoughts on sex.

#1. Casual sex means just that. It’s casual like we are going to get naked and work out, and thats it. There’s no thoughts or emotions that go into it. It’s just sex. So, with that being said…you don’t get to be snuggled afterwards. Cuddling is for people you actually like..why don’t some men comprehend this?

#2. Some guys are completely baffled by #1. One afternoon I went over a guys house had sex with him & then was like see ya! And he looked at me like I was a maniac. I am not a maniac, I can just make sex emotionless. Emotional sex is for guys I care about.

#3. I hate it when guys try to have full blown out conversations with me while we are doing it. It’s like shut the fuck up!

#4. If we have sex and I ignore your text messages afterwards..it’s because I don’t want to hang out with you again…remember actions speak louder than words.#5.




100% REAL Juice, Not from concentrate

Some people perceive me as a self entitled snob. They are very wrong. I’m just an asshole.

I’m real though.

I’m an ADHD scatter-brained space cadette who’s actually fairly bright & quite endearing.

I can’t help it. I can’t hide it. When I do I become unlikable.

I just finished my first year doing comedy…so far I tried out two characters & they both failed. One was an airhead and the other was a narcissistic bitch. They both failed terribly. First of all, I am not dumb and when the audience caught on to this they stopped laughing. I also couldn’t continue to write from an airhead’s perspective, because although I am a total space cadette, I am still intelligent.

Guess what I do now? I GO ON STAGE AS MY FUCKING SELF!!!!! Sometimes I do well, and sometimes I tank. I just cant be anyone other my adorable, charming self. My jokes hit better coming from Jaclyn, and only Jaclyn. I write a lot of dark material. I turned Barbie into a serial killer and have insinuated killing my boyfriends, and they got laughs…because it was me who felt that frustration¬†it was me who delivered those jokes not some fake ass character. FUCK THAT!

This is comedy from my perspective.

#1. The more successful comics tend to be the nicer of the bunch.

#2. The whiny comics are usually the least talented.

#3. Comedy is still mostly men and at my level they ALL talk about the same shit.

#4. I like being on line ups with newer and more seasoned comics. I don’t feel as intimidated and I can still learn.

#5. I love writing. It is my obsession. It’s all I think about.

Here is some stuff I am working on………………

Smart Porn, Jobs I could never ever do, The fact that most women avoid red flags but i create them, Twisted Snow White.