11 in the dark thoughts.

#1. I think kissing can be a lot more intimate than sex.

#2. Unforgettable by Nat King Cole is one of my favorite songs.

#3. I really dig astrology, because it is very accurate at explaining my bizarre personality.

#4. I am a very guarded person, and trust hardly anyone.

#5. I have dealt with many emotionally abusive guys that tried to tear me down and make me believe I am so much less than what I really am. They can all go fuck themselves. They had issues with themselves.

#6. I have a bit of a grudge towards cops because two guys I cannot stand from my teenage years became cops.

#7. I have never done a single hard drug.

#8. I didn’t start having sex until I was 19. I wish I would have lost it to my high school boyfriend because it would have hurt much less.

#9. I have 5 tattoos.

#10. When I was sixth grade I convinced my best friend that I was a witch and that I had magical powers. She believed me.

#11. I fucking hate it when people see me cry.

#12. I am terrified of losing my youth.

#13. I think marriage is pointless, however, I can be very monogamous.

#14. I am very driven and get very pissed when people get in my way.

#15. I like watching random documentaries.

#16. Lucille Ball is one of my hero’s because she was stubborn and did everything she wanted to do HER way and succeeded.

#17. People talked to each other when flip phones ruled the world.

#18. I figure out Cosmo was a joke when I was like 20.

#19. I am not a writer, but I am a character.

#20. Dating apps are lame. I like it when a guy asks me out because he knows me.

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Performing is a lot like sex.

Boom.

I have come to the realization that performing is very similar to sex. When it comes to performing my jokes, I have issues connecting with an audience that is not automatically listening. Performing comedy is very similar to sex, because if there is absolutely no emotional connection the audience loses their interest. I believe I do this to a lot of men. I frequently take the emotional switch inside of my brain and shut it off, because I believe it makes me powerful. I have the ability to have sex with whoever I desire without getting burned because I don’t let them emotionally inside of me. This has become a terrible habit because it actually makes me quite weak causing me to never be fully satisfied with any guy.

Whether women want to believe it or not, men like emotional sex. They may like fucking too, because it is more taboo and we live in a sex suppressed society but they want to emotionally connect. Trust me. Part of sexual connection comes from how two people communicate with one another. If a guy gets sick of talking with a girl he will eventually grow sick and tired of the sex. Sex cannot keep a relationship. It will keep a guy temporarily around.

The toughest part about comedy isn’t the joke writing. I know how to write a joke, i know how to write pretty good turns and fuck with people’s heads. I have problems emotionally connecting, because I have emotionally tuned myself out. I need to get it back, I need my vulnerability back because you need that with comedy. If the audience doesn’t sense vulnerability then you fail. If a guy doesnt sense some warmth about you during sex they will not stick around. They lose the ability to feel comfortable with you and really open up.To some form of degree the audience needs to open up to you and feel safe.

Thoughts?

 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo