Marriage is not interesting.

 

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To me.

I am at that age where all every girl wants to do is get married. I get asked on a regular basis..the infamous when are you going to get married? I do not have any interest in marriage…here is why.

I think relationships are like a baseball game.

Right now I am one of the star players, because, I am young, fast and have the ability to score at a rapid pace. This is not going to last forever. Time will take away my youth and will force me out of the game and when that time comes, I will get married.

Society likes to tell women they must get married in their 20’s because that is when their beauty peaks and they have more shots at finding a suitable partner. Dear society…you can kiss my ass. I think women get hotter in their 30’s and 40’s because they have a substantial amount of life experience under their belt, and they seem to become more sexually secure. I also believe marriage would work better if people settled down later in life. As far as babies are concerned, it is 2016 if you’re financially secure have a kid…you do not need a fancy cake and a piece of paper to determine that decision.

Thoughts?

I have another show coming up on January 24th at 9pm at El Bar. COME SEE ME! There will be lots of great comics!!

 3256 Cahuenga Blvd W, Los Angeles, CA 90068

https://twitter.com/JaclynAshley79 

 

 

 

 

 

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My Comedy Struggle

Comedy is rough man, because I don’t desire approval. I think many comedians struggle with confidence, and seek out love, and validation from complete strangers. I don’t suffer from low-self esteem, and I kinda see this as an issue for me, because it makes me unlikeable as a comic. I am just getting started and other comedians have told me my voice will develop, and eventually people will understand who I am as a person within minutes. I love comedy, and I love making people laugh, but I don’t give a flying fuck about approval, and I believe this causes me to lack vulnerability which is what you need to survive in comedy. Whenever I act like an airhead people fucking laugh and I get the audience on my side, but if I go on stage as a snarky asshole I tend to bomb! Its EXTREMELY frustrating because although I am a ding bat, I am intelligent, and I don’t really want to go on stage as a character, because ultimately I will just become some fucking parody, and I would get so pissed off UNLESS I made a lot of money, that may make me seem like a shitty artist, but at least I am honest. Comedy is still a fucking business, and unfortunately some people are just more marketable.

I did an open mic the other night which gets broadcast on Periscope, and at the end viewers were allowed to ask us questions. I was the only comic in the room with a vagina. A viewer asked is it tough being  a female comic? I said yes, because there are still jokes a man can tell that a woman cannot. I think it is much easier for a man to come across as an asshole than a woman. Sure there are female comics with asshole personas, but it is tougher for a woman to be accepted as one. I feel like people hate me when I go on stage as a snarky bitch, but are more drawn to me when I play the dumb card. It pisses me off! On the bright side I have another show Jan 28th! at El Bar in Los Angeles.

 

 

Men that cannot get laid

 

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Couple Kissing Passionately in Bed

 

Have you ever met a straight man and thought to yourself…hmmmmmmmmmmm the only vagina you have ever seen was the one that you gave you life?

The reason why they are not dating, or having any sort of a sexual relationship with a woman is because they lack communication skills. Period. End of story.

Some men just do not get the concept of how to talk to women; I believe they see it as speaking to another species.

If you want to date straight women, then do not say/ or do stupid shit like this:

  1. DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT say any kind of remark that could be perceived as a “fat joke”. You want to piss a woman off tell her she is fat. Seriously, we hate that shit. Not only is it offensive, but it is super rude, and will leave you alone in life with your hand.
  2. DO NOT compare a woman to another woman. It is like dating suicide. I don’t care about your ex or about some broad you loved in high school. The only woman I want to be compared to is myself.
  3. Do not play the dick card and think it is going to get you laid. I’ve had guys say rude shit to me thinking that it will help them get a first class ticket inside of my vagina. It didn’t work. It only got them blocked on ALL social media accounts. #fuckyou
  4. If we show no interest in you. We literally don’t give a fuck. It is not that difficult to understand. Move on.

Ladies…thoughts

Why I HATE Modern TV

I really cannot fathom how people can sit there and watch modern television. Television has become unrealistic, over materialistic, and infested with talentless idiots. Television used to be good. It was more than entertainment. Roseanne is one of my favorite television shows because it was groundbreaking. For the first time, America was exposed to a sitcom which contained an unconventional leading lady along with a  working class family. In a nutshell…they were fucking relatable. They struggled financially, they made fun of their weight, their children were snarky little brats. They seemed real. I like reality. The truth is funny.

I also dig Married With Children because it pushed boundaries, and I LOVE LOVE anything that pushed the envelope. I believe great comedy is limitless.Al bundy was a satire of many American men. One of my favorite articles, I’m Still Living in Al Bundy’s America written by Walter  Mosley explained how no man that has been married for 20 years is so excited to go home and bang his wife. Married with Children just said it. It is insulting but I can see the truth beneath the insult. I also believe no woman that has been married for 20 years is excited to have sex with the man she’s been with 10,000,000 times. I think some men fail to see that.

Today, television is infested with a bunch of exaggeration. I hate reality tv, because the people on it are just a bunch of hot messes with no authentic talent. They’re not even that good looking. Most of them look like they work in strip clubs where they serve lobster for $4.99. They’ll do anything just to get attention and sound like they blew their principal to score a high school diploma.

Thoughts? P.S. I know my grammar sucks.

xoxoxoxo

https://twitter.com/JaclynAshley79