OMG! Another Episode of Unapologetic Snark! With my first guest!

Listen biotches.

https://soundcloud.com/snarky-brunette/charles-podcsst-ep

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#MCM Thought Catalog Writers!

Happy Monday ALL!

This week’s MCMS focuses on Thought Catalog and three amazing writers! You should check out their latest posts ūüôā

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http://thoughtcatalog.com/sean-curtis/2015/03/15-disney-quotes-that-will-ruin-your-day/

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http://thoughtcatalog.com/justin-demarco/2015/03/the-20-people-that-will-change-your-life-in-your-20s/

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http://thoughtcatalog.com/lance-pauker/2015/03/10-graphs-that-sum-up-turning-25/

Snarky Social Media

Hell All,

I am in the process of starting an online business. I had a logo created with my name, but do not know if I LOVE LOVE it yet! I need to create my website, and hopefully it will be up by mid-April. As many of you may, or may not know, I am very passionate about social media, and online public relations. I believe it is so important for companies to have a great online reputation as well as an awesome image, and that is why I decided to start my own thing! My services will be social media packages, along with packages that consist of getting you mentioned on various blogs, and in YouTube videos. My rates are going to be incredibly affordable, and everyone getting social media will be offered a weekly report, and Skype call if needed. I do have an online portfolio, so people can see I am not bullshitting whether I know what I am doing or not! I am also going to be pitching to be Youtubers, and bloggers to get them on my roster :). If you have a blog that gets alot of traffic, please email me Jaclynashley79@gmail.com and we can negotiate a price range for clients to get mentioned on your site. I would need to see photos of site stats for three months (most recently).

Anyways, with that being said……… I decided to write a blog entry on good and bad social media.

1. If you go to an agency, or social media specialist, and their social media sucks why the fuck would you pay them to do yours? How do you know if it sucks? Well for starters, if a company has thousands of Facebook likes but no engagement (likes, comments, shares) on most of their posts, more than likely those likes are fake. They’re bots, and you know what bots do? NOTHING! It is much better to have 100 likes on an account and see people engaging in the posts than thousands with nothing. They’re not constantly posting. If you want to remain relevant on social media you need to frequently post.¬†All of their posts consist of self promotion….ummm game over thanks for playing nobody likes this shit…you need to post a variety of posts other than “buy my products”.

2. They understand the purpose of each social media site. Twitter is excellent for building relationships, and showing off your wits. Facebook is great for ads, and building a fan base. Instagram is awesome for visual clients…restaurants, bridal clients, art related clients, ANYTHING FITNESS! Google Plus sucks ass and its kinda totally boring and people don’t really dig it but its awesome for SEO. It’s Google’s baby…well not really but you get what I am saying..

3. FOLLOW FOR FUCKING FOLLOW IS A WASTE OF FUCKING TIME! Those followers WILL NEVER FUCKING RT, REBLOG, SHARE ETC your content.

4. If a company has 4,000 Twitter followers, and they’re following 4,000 people they suck ass. You need a good ratio, because it shows people are interested in you and genuinely give a shit about what you’re posting. 100 followers and you’re following 20 is better than 4,000 followers and 4,000 following.

5. Not every social media site is usable for every type of business. That’s the cold hearted truth, but some are awesome for generally everyone (fb, twitter) you just have to know what to post, who to follow, who to rt/engage with.

So You Don’t Wanna Be in the Friendzone

So, you do not want to be in the zone…the friend zone that is, well I am going to tell you a thing or two about avoiding it.

Heterosexual males reading this, if you are romantically interested in a female, please do yourself a favor and FUCKING TELL HER! If you don’t want to be in the friend zone then do not go there period, end of story. If you meet a girl, and you start hanging out as “friends”, but you want to date her, then be straight forward with her, and tell her! Girls are not mind readers, we don’t know what you’re thinking, so save yourself a headache, and tell her how you feel. If she doesn’t feel the same way brush it off and find someone else, there are other fish in the sea, and every male in the world has been rejected…ALL of them! To make it easier on you…here is a list of signs that she is TOTALLY into you.

1. She opens up to you about sex. I am sure you have heard before that when you say something to someone they start to visualize it in their heads, and if she’s mentioning sex she’s probably into you bro.

2. She hints she finds you attractive.

3. She comments on your social media posts ALOT. Like every damn time you post.

4. She takes the initiative to text you first to hang out.

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Tits, Boobs, Knockers, Boobies

Americans are completely obsessed with two balls of fat. Marketers use balls of fat to sell stuff like beer, shampoo, food, basically anything you can possibly think of! Why the fuck are we so obsessed with tits? I really don’t get it! Why are they so appealing? Can someone pretty please answer this question? Why are they still taboo? It’s 2015, and if you see a girls breasts in a movie jaws still drop! They’re just another part of the female body, there is nothing raunchy, or provocative about them. Sometimes I think I was born and raised in the WRONG country, because I don’t find anything related to sex as dirty, or offensive. I think many Americans are still prude, and ashamed of their sexuality and bodies. Thats my two sense today before I get ready to peace out for a long ass day!

My Blog Sucks!

My blog’s layout is ugly, and so is the logo, therefore it will be getting a redesign soon! I am hoping to have it look more professional within the next month. I also need to host my blog elsewhere, because WordPress does not allow you to install Google Analytics, and if I really want to correctly market my blog, I need to know the demographic that is visiting my site, and my bounce rate! Does anyone have any suggestions as to who I should host with? Oh & here’s a laugh for you!

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The Truth About Friendship

We all have friends, or so you think they are your friends. Friends are people you typically share common interests with, and often have similar senses of humor¬†which often leads to tons of laughter, and wonderful memories. We all want friends, because humans are social beings. Some of us are more social than others, and may have more “friends” in their contact list, due to the fact that they are more outgoing, or are working in an industry that forces them to be extra social. We have all experienced “bad” friends, and at one point in my life, I was a terrible friend, because I was inconsiderate, immature, and selfish. I¬†have said this before, I am made out of flaws, but now that I have grown up, I¬†have become a much better friend, not perfect, but I genuinely care about my friends, and want to see them succeed, and have a life full of joy! Sometimes I can be¬†super bad as to who I associate¬†myself with, and have had many, many fake friends! People that totally stabbed me in the back after I did nothing but nice things for them! One person in particular said some really snaky stuff about me behind my back, and I was totally shocked…like WTF, are we still in middle school?¬†

In middle school, I had some terrible friends. It was really my first taste of putting up with mean girls, and it sucked. I was super shy growing up,¬†which often made me an enormous target for bullies. I was also an ugly ducking. I had braces, mousy hair, I was pretty thin and my nose was huge! I¬†definitely had some horrible self esteem issues. As I grew up, I gained confidence, a big mouth, and the ability to make people laugh. I¬†don’t care about what people think of me, because I think highly of myself, and thats all that matters. I still get bullied from time to time, but now I realize it’s pure jealousy, and I see it as a compliment..like I have something you¬†don’t so¬†you’re being a dick to me, screw you!¬†

Since I am a pro at dealing with shitty friends..I decided to inform you all of some radar signs that someone¬†isn’t your friend!

1. They like to compete with you. You say something like “I got a B on my chemistry exam, and they respond with I got an A+ in Physics”

2. They belittle you, and say stuff like “I’m smarter than you” in order to build themselves up.

3.They appear to be doing something nice for you, but they have an ulterior motive. For example, they take you out to eat for your birthday, but then use it as an excuse to get you to pay for the bill the next time you go out.

4. They are in your life, simply to use you. They want you to help them land a new job, or maybe you have some sort of a connection¬†they’re after.

5. They talk shit about you behind your back. It is soooooooooo childish, but hey it happens.

6. They snitch on you to get you into trouble. Again, childish, but it happens.

7. They’re always in your business. Some people do not know when to buzz off.