High School Superlatives Redefined!

Remember High School? The four years of your life you cannot seem to let go of, because it was such a revolutionary time in your life. Please excuse my sarcasm, because I honestly did not hate High School. I went to two different ones, and did not mind the experience. I was ready to graduate, because I hated school and was just over it, but sometimes I wish I could go back to hear a bell ring, or experience racing to get to the door before class started, or listen to teenage girls gossip about stupid teenage topics. Sigh. Anyways, everyone probably remembers their yearbook, and voting for superlatives. Today, I want to add a bit of snark to the traditional high school superlatives, because I think the typical “Best Hair”, and “Most Likely To Succeed” are rather boring. 

But-youre-like

I think “Most likely to lose their looks first” is a great choice, because unfortunately, a significant amount of the pretty girls and attractive guys in high school lose their looks before the age of 25. Looks come with an expiration date.

I also think “Most Unlikely Person To Succeed”, because everyone always think the ones with 4,0 gpas who are participating in every extracurricular activity will become the next Bill Gates, or President, but in reality there are plenty of “bad” kids that grow up to be more successful, because they think outside of the box. Nodding your head and listening to everyone will get you a job, but questioning stuff and thinking up different ideas will make you the boss.

“Most likely to become a pornstar”, I think this is a funny one, because I guarantee you there is some girl, or guy I went to high school with that now markets themselves with xxx next to their name. Good for them, I hope they are rolling in the dough.

“Best Comebacks” you know there was that smart ass who always put everyone in their place with a line or two, lets give them a place on that superlative page.

 

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Bloggers/ Writers You NEED To Check out

1. Christopher Hudspeth- He is a staff writer at Thought Catalog, and my favorite one indeed! I love, love Thought Catalog, and Chris’s posts always make my day. He recently wrote one about Marilyn Monroe quotes and it made me chuckle. Check it out:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2014/09/7-popular-marilyn-monroe-misquotes-and-who-actually-said-them/

2. Ben from Ben’s Bitter blog- The layout is awesome, and I adore the whole “about me” section. He also writes about a variety of different topics so his blog does not get boring! Here is my favorite section of his site:

http://bensbitterblog.wordpress.com/bitter-entertainment-network/

3.Sarah from Nocrybabies.net- She writes alot like me! Everything incorporates a touch of sass and sarcasm. She also discusses real life situations like annoying co-workers, funny memes, and posts her photography picture. Check her out:

http://nocrybabies.net/2014/09/19/whats-in-your-bag/

You Don’t Know Where The F*** To Shop!

I love watching beauty videos on YouTube, because they changed my life. They taught me more about makeup, different brands like NYX, omg INEXPENSIVE and amazing! (Ulta carries it I love their powder, lip glosses, and pencil bases, havent tried their foundations yet,  but I did try their liquid concealer and didnt like it)

Sometimes they make videos about different websites, and one of them is a second hand shop selling brands like Urban Outfitters and Banana Republic. Ahem….. I have no problems with buying second hand stuff, I have heard of people walking into second hand shops and coming out with a brand new Gucci sweater with the damn tags still on (gotta love Beverly Hills) but Banana Republic? No, thanks. There is this magical store called MARSHALS!!!! I have purchased Express, Banana Republic, Juicy Couture (when people gave a fuck about it) Ralph Lauren, BCBG and The Limited clothing all at Marshals, brand new and most of the time on sale, because I hardly buy anything full price. 

Another tip is buy stuff at the end of the season when its all on sale, because items like blazers, jeans, black slacks etc are timeless, so you dont have to worry about them becoming outdated. I remember one time I bought black slacks at The Limited for $15!

Ah, Yes, We Don’t Want to Hear it

“There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.”- J.K. Rowling

Our parents helped mold who we are. They taught us the basics about life, helped build our characters and lifted our spirits when we were down. They helped teach us right from wrong, and attempted to guide us onto a path that would hopefully lead us to some wonderful destination. That is how they are supposed to be, but some people do not get that lucky, and they are victims of horrible parenting, which does indeed fuck them up. Bad parenting can turn innocent children into adults who constantly make bad decisions causing them to feel helpless. 

My parents are utterly insane, but they are not bad, and throughout my life, both of them have been present. Sometimes their views about certain issues are backwards and old school, but nobody is perfect. I have my own mind. 

Over the years, I have witnessed the negative effects of bad parenting. It makes them date horrible people, and many suffer from low self esteem. This sucks, but I can only empathize for I cannot truly relate to them because I am not a victim of bad parenting. I can say this though, and do not see me as being insensitive or unkind, but there is a deadline for blaming your past for your present and future fuck ups. After a while, fucking up becomes a choice you choose to make. Healing is not easy, but it can be done. 

(Sorry this is a bit off track, but it has a good pt)

When I was a Freshmen in college, I was placed on academic probation because my GPA had fallen below 2.0. When I was sitting in the counselors office, my 18 year old self thought I could totally bullshit this highly educated woman who has about 15 years on me. I attempted to blame my GPA on someone else, but she said “oh no, you did this to YOU”, and this was one of those moments that got  mind videotaped and stored on the brain’s shelf. 

Part of growing up is learning how to own up to what we do wrong and not do it again. It is accepting that we are human and fuck up, but having the ability to discontinue doing what we did that caused the fuck up.

Big Red

I wish for one day EVERY f***ing male could experience the big red, their aunt coming to town, or to properly put it a PERIOD!!!

They will just never understand what it is like to PMS, or spend large amounts of money on tampons! So, in honor of #tbt I have comprised a list of reasons as to why periods sucked in middle and high school.

  1. Participating in gym class. For some damn reason, I always got lucky and had my period around the time we had to do the semester mile, running and gushing blood such a fabulous combination!
  2. Having idiot boys make remarks about how bitchy you are acting. Listen dummy, if you had to sit here and learn some pre-cal formula you will never ever use again while having a double shot of cramps, you would not be all sunshine and giggles too!
  3. Your first period ever. Now, I was a fairly late bloomer, I was visited by the bitch for the first time at the very end of 7th grade. I remember girls complaining about cramps in the locker room, and secretly smiling to myself, because I did not have to worry about it yet. Well long behold she arrived, and I didnt see it coming! Lucky for me she made her entrance while was at home. It could have been much worse.
  4. You get to wear sweatpants on Monday, because nothing else fits. 

Life is Short. Have an Affair.

That’s the tag line to one of the internet’s most infamous “dating” websites. I learned about this website over the weekend after discovering the owner, Noel Biderman on Dr. Phil. This man has earned himself a fortune by helping married people have affairs. I think cheating is terrible, because obviously it is dishonest, sneaky and immoral, but it is even the worse when someone cheats on the person they vowed to love forever. I believe that if an individual is unhappily married they should get a divorce like half of my family members. 

Most people would agree with me that cheating is wrong, however other people might be like you have no idea what it is like to be married once there are children, and a house involved shit gets complicated. This is the reason I believe unhappy married people get the urge to just cheat. It is much easier to cheat on the person you are married to than divorce them.

Noel’s website provides readers with the top cities that people have affairs in, and Los Angeles was the winner (are you surprises I’m not) but Phoenix earned itself the third slot. I was a bit shocked when  I learned that married women cheat almost as badly as men! We frequently see women as the victims of infidelity, but very rarely do they exposes as the one committing it. I am curious to interview Noel strictly to discuss infidelity. I would love to learn during what stage of a marriage do people begin cheating, and the traits of a serial cheater!

People That Need To Just STFU!!

This blog entry is totally inspired by my favorite youtuber in the world Ms. Jenna Marbles! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EldZB85l6bU

These are some people that seriously need to stfu.

1. The girl that finds Jesus. This girl may or may not have slept with her entire college football team, and done every illegal drug to ever exist, but now she found Jesus, and it gives her every right to judge others on their terrible actions, because she has been saved!

2. The pretend health nut that critiques everyone’s food choices. You probably have met one, they rarely hit the gym, and occasionally give up the bag of doritos for an orange. They are incredibly knowledgeable on every diet and exercise program out there, and love to give you advice on how to eat well. You need to STFU.

3. The busy body. This person needs to know everything about you, and everyone around them. They ask questions that are rude, and dont really get why you get snarky with them. If it has to do with a persons finances, personal relationships, or health and you are not close with them, dont ask. It is not your business, STFU!

4. The professor that lacks a degree. Yes, this person is ALWAYS ready to lecture you about basically anything you can possibly think of. It could be a snide remark you happen to have made, or a joke you cracked, or how you opened a Snickers bar the wrong way. They will seriously get on your case about anything, please STFU!

5. The sensitive asshole. Please do not dish it if you cant take it. It should be a rule of insulting people! I can be a total sass pot, but I am also a tough cookie, and I can take an insult too! When I throw an insult its to someone that deserves it. I am totally nice in person!